skinny girlA friend of mine posted on Facebook: "Being friends with someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post about is like phoning someone to tell them you don't want to talk to them." Which is prescient because I'm about to complain about what people post on Facebook. I do agree with my friend -- people have every right to post what they like. But let's put it this way: Your posts are bumming me out, man.

Sometimes I like your posts. But sometimes ... how do I say this? ... they ruin my freaking day. There I am, innocently scrolling through my feed, seeing what people are up to, catching up on the news of the world, finding trends to write about, etc., and arrrr!! ... There's that post that makes me want to bang my head against the wall and wail, "What's the point of it all?!" while shoving a fistful of Paxil into my mouth.

Here are seven Facebook updates that are totally bumming me out.

Pictures of abused animals. I adore animals, so maybe that's why these pictures disturb me so much. Yes, I realize that the pics are there to show what horrible things people to do animals, and to get people to help critters by either by donating to rescue groups, or becoming a vegan, or by signing a petition to put the bastard who did this to an animal in jail. But seeing a pic of a dog starved down to its skeleton or a baby pig squealing while its tail is being being cut off ... It's totally bumming me out, man.

Pictures of starving Third World children. Same deal. Yes, I realize posting pics of Third World babies with swollen tummies and flies in their mouths draws attention to an issue that sadly gets forgotten in the onslaught of media stories about celebrity breakups and pregnancies. But a bummer? Fo' sho'.

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Tragic news stories. As a blogger I write about these bummer news stories all of the time. But at least readers have a choice whether or not to click on them based on the headline. When someone posts a total bummer news story and then sums it all up in their post, well, there it is. Stuck in my brain all day. Makin' me hate the world.

Death updates. I think it is wonderful that people pay tribute to a lost loved one. And certainly remembering the anniversary of a loved one's death is touching. But seeing 10 of them a day is, well, there's no other way to describe it. Depressing as all hell.

Illness updates. No doubt people who go into all kinds of detail about their illnesses want to keep their friends and family updated. And their friends respond sympathetically, which keeps their spirits up. That doesn't mean that it doesn't depress me. Especially when I see so many of them in one day that it would take me hours to respond to them all, so I don't respond to any of them, and then I feel like a douche. But this isn't about me. Okay, it is.

Skinny girls posting about their diets. Yeah, sister, this totally bums me out. You've eaten nothing but kale for three weeks and you're already a size 2. Stop!!

Anything said by the GOP. Besides Rep. Akin's comment about "legitimate rape" and the female uterus' miraculous and fantastical ability to fight off rapist sperm, you've got Rep. Steve King's comment that he's never heard of a woman getting pregnant by incest or statutory rape, and GOP Missouri Committeewoman Sharon Barnes' contention that if a raped woman becomes pregnant, God has "blessed" her. These updates quoting GOP morons make me wanna curl into the fetal position in the corner of my bathroom and rock back and forth until the election is over.

What status updates bum you out?


Image via Bruna Schenkel/Flickr