A couple of years after my fiancé and I broke up, I received a friend request from him on Facebook. I guess it made sense. While I'd decided that being real world friends didn't quite work for me, I wasn't exactly hating him either. So when I saw the friend request, I momentarily thought about accepting it. It would be the mature thing to do, right? Wrong. The mature thing to do is whatever moves you forward into a peaceful, calm, and happy existence. And looking at my ex's new life wouldn't help with that. So I did not accept.
Some couples are instant and true friends after their breakup. I don't happen to know any of them, but rumor has it they exist. If those ex-couples want to be Facebook friends, so be it. But the rest of us should defriend, at least for awhile. Here are 6 of the lamest excuses for not unfriending your ex on Facebook.
I want to see if he says anything bad about me. Ahh, so you're conducting your own public relations control campaign by monitoring your ex's wall. Well, here's a thought: If your ex is gauche enough to share anything negative about you with all of his Facebook friends, then that reflects badly on only one person: Him.
I want to see if that coworker/friend/person I always had suspicions about really is just a friend or not. So you want to see if, during your relationship, that chick the ex always said he thought of as a "sister" or didn't think of at all is going to start showing up in his photos, making it clear they are suddenly spending lots of time together. So what if that does happen? Then you accuse him of cheating. Then he denies it. Then you descend into the murky mire of he said/she said. Perhaps your instincts were right about her. So what? You're done with him anyway.
I want to remember all the reasons we broke up. I sort of get this one. After a breakup, thoughts of the good times can maddeningly tend to rise to the surface, making you waver in your decision. A peek at his wall -- with those pics of him drunk at Hooters; his annoying political updates; comments from those friends you could never stand -- might make you more steadfast. But how about just trusting your instincts that you'd still be together if things were good or salvageable?
Why should I defriend him? He should defriend me! Hmm. Okay, let's say that you know a guy who slaps you every time you see him. And it hurts. But instead of refusing to see him, you say he should just stop slapping me. That makes no sense, and neither does this excuse. If anything on his profile hurts you, you are merely protecting yourself by defriending him.
I want to make sure we're not headed to the same places. Oh, puhleeease. If you run in the same circles, and you don't want to see your ex, avoid those shared places for awhile, at least until things have cooled down. If you do run into him, there's a great way to deal with it: Immediately leave.
I need to gather information about him. If you had a particularly stressful breakup with your ex, and you're uncertain about your children spending time with him or his new girlfriend or his friends, then take your concerns (backed up by solid evidence) to the courts. Unless your ex is the type to write about all of his criminal pursuits on his wall, you're not going to find out any concrete information about his activities on Facebook anyway, and you're just causing yourself a lot of unnecessary stress.
Are you still friends with your ex on Facebook? Why?
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