6 Lame Excuses for Not Unfriending Your Ex on Facebook

Love & Learn 15

A couple of years after my fiancé and I broke up, I received a friend request from him on Facebook. I guess it made sense. While I'd decided that being real world friends didn't quite work for me, I wasn't exactly hating him either. So when I saw the friend request, I momentarily thought about accepting it. It would be the mature thing to do, right? Wrong. The mature thing to do is whatever moves you forward into a peaceful, calm, and happy existence. And looking at my ex's new life wouldn't help with that. So I did not accept.

Some couples are instant and true friends after their breakup. I don't happen to know any of them, but rumor has it they exist. If those ex-couples want to be Facebook friends, so be it. But the rest of us should defriend, at least for awhile. Here are 6 of the lamest excuses for not unfriending your ex on Facebook.

I want to see if he says anything bad about me. Ahh, so you're conducting your own public relations control campaign by monitoring your ex's wall. Well, here's a thought: If your ex is gauche enough to share anything negative about you with all of his Facebook friends, then that reflects badly on only one person: Him.

I want to see if that coworker/friend/person I always had suspicions about really is just a friend or not. So you want to see if, during your relationship, that chick the ex always said he thought of as a "sister" or didn't think of at all is going to start showing up in his photos, making it clear they are suddenly spending lots of time together. So what if that does happen? Then you accuse him of cheating. Then he denies it. Then you descend into the murky mire of he said/she said. Perhaps your instincts were right about her. So what? You're done with him anyway.

I want to remember all the reasons we broke up. I sort of get this one. After a breakup, thoughts of the good times can maddeningly tend to rise to the surface, making you waver in your decision. A peek at his wall -- with those pics of him drunk at Hooters; his annoying political updates; comments from those friends you could never stand -- might make you more steadfast. But how about just trusting your instincts that you'd still be together if things were good or salvageable?

Why should I defriend him? He should defriend me! Hmm. Okay, let's say that you know a guy who slaps you every time you see him. And it hurts. But instead of refusing to see him, you say he should just stop slapping me. That makes no sense, and neither does this excuse. If anything on his profile hurts you, you are merely protecting yourself by defriending him.

I want to make sure we're not headed to the same places. Oh, puhleeease. If you run in the same circles, and you don't want to see your ex, avoid those shared places for awhile, at least until things have cooled down. If you do run into him, there's a great way to deal with it: Immediately leave.

I need to gather information about him. If you had a particularly stressful breakup with your ex, and you're uncertain about your children spending time with him or his new girlfriend or his friends, then take your concerns (backed up by solid evidence) to the courts. Unless your ex is the type to write about all of his criminal pursuits on his wall, you're not going to find out any concrete information about his activities on Facebook anyway, and you're just causing yourself a lot of unnecessary stress.

Are you still friends with your ex on Facebook? Why?


Image via LuluLemon/Flickr

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OKgirl OKgirl

I am still friends with the majority of my ex's on Facebook. They are all guys that I wasn't very serious about but don't mind catching up with every once in a while. I am not FB friends with my "I love him so much, almost married him" ex. That would have been hard and I think I might have turned into a stalker in a "what could my life have been like kind of way," which is probably no the healthiest thing for my psyche.

Rebecca Peterson

I'm friend with my ex. Though strictly on FB. I'm friends with one of his sisters and we hang out when I'm there, but I'm trying to limit how much I'm around him. It's been 4 years and he's still not over me :(

GlowW... GlowWorm889

I'm still friends with one of my exes on FB. We're still friends, which we were before we were together.

Tj Kibbee

I don't think anyone should be in contact with an ex unless there are children involved.
It complicates things and often past history is brought up to no one's benefit.

Misty... Misty.Dawn

im friends with 2 of my exs. & i was serious with them at one time many many yrs ago. Im better friends with their wife/gf. However, im not friends with my ex-husband.

Lita O'Cuillain

I am still friend with my ex-fiancee. My hubby actually supported that.

One time, I got heart-to-heart talk with him, found out the real reason why we broke up and how we felt after that and we sort of talk about our life now, me-hubby and him-his wife.

tmrvi... tmrvica1225

I'm friends with all my exes! In fact, my first love is now married and his wife & I are friends too! Just because you break up, doesn't mean you have to go on hating each other. Things just didn't work out. But you shared your life with this person, so they do become a part of you and that's why I stay friends with them. 

mom2j... mom2jessnky

Only one, and it's because we are genuinely friends. That was why we stopped dating, we were better in the friendzone.

erina... erinanne86

This article is dumb...not everyone thinks that way. I am legit friends with most of my exes, granted most of the relationships were HS relationships since im only 25...there  is nothing weird about it for me or them. I wasnt friends with all of them maybe at first after we broke up, but months/years down the road we are all very civil/friendly with one another and have mutual friends. I suppose if we had super messy crazy break-ups i wouldnt want to have any form of contact, however this is not the case. One ex (a guy i dated in college for maybe 2 weeks) was a psycho and when i told him i wanted to just be friends he flipped and harrassed me, so yeah he was perm. deleted and blocked. 

nonmember avatar Lindsay

I'm friends with every one of my exes in real life and on fb. Just because they did things I found unacceptable in a Romantic relationship doesn't mean we didn't have some compatibility that led us there in the first place.

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