Innocent Facebook Updates Will Lead to Your Worst Wedding Nightmare

woman typing at a deskI've been told that I'm living a real-life version of Everybody Loves Raymond. For the records, I'm Debra. My fiance is Raymond. And his parents are Marie and Frank. Add in the fact that we are currently planning our spring 2013 nuptials, and you've got a recipe for a lot of migraines. The latest: A 101 lesson on why brides-to-be must be careful about what they post on Facebook (or Twitter, for that matter).

Oh, sure, when you're first starting out in your blissfully engaged bubble you believe the entire Internet is yours for the taking. Pinterest is your oyster! Twitter is your go-to spot for crowd-sourcing info on any and everything wedding! And Facebook is your familiar stomping ground to share not just your shiny new relationship status but your highs and lows along the oft bumpy road to "I do," as well. Just booked the venue? Found the dress of your dreams? Decided on a cake flavor? Hooray! Share with friends in a status update!

Or don't. No, really, don't.

Not because your non-bride friends will de-friend you. (Pfft, like they'll be any different once they have a ring on it?!) But because all that Facebook loudmouthing could get you in BIG trouble.

For instance, here's a legit sitch: Couple gets engaged, shares the big news with (most of) their closest friends before changing their relationship statuses on Facebook, but uh-oh ... They soon find out they forgot to call ... Sally Jane. Oh no! SJ is piiiissed. Why did she have to find out that you're engaged via Facebook?! Okay, maybe you were pretty close with Sally at one point, so she deserved a call, so you're kicking yourself about that one. But give yourself a break. These things are bound to happen.

Now, consider this even nuttier scenario ... You post that you've picked out your dress at a trunk show, or you've sent the contract to your catering manager. A couple of family members are friends with you on Facebook, but several others aren't (or don't go on that much). The ones who are in the "status update know" call the ones who aren't -- you know, to say "Congrats!" And suddenly, your seemingly innocent Facebook excitement just created a ton of draaaaaaama. Believe me: I speak from experience.

I'm the first one to rave out about how people abuse social media and overshare all the time. But brides should get a free pass to share their most exciting news. It's not that they're "relying" on Facebook to spread the word. They're just sharing it with their friends who happen to use Facebook. Maybe they'll also call those people, and they'll definitely pass the message along (at some point, regarding crucial points) to friends and family who aren't on Facebook. But in the moment, right after a "Whoo hoo!" moment, they can't help themselves from sharing with their 512 friends. And can you blame 'em? Unfortunately, family members who aren't on Facebook definitely will!

Have you ever come to regret posting something about your wedding on Facebook because of how your family or friends reacted?

facebook, weddings, social media


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three... threeforme157

I am glad Facebook was not popular yet when I got married.  Get over it, you will go through the whole thing again when having a baby.  People do get tired of hearing every little detail posted about your wedding/ baby, I know I do.

Melis... Melissa042807

I haven't been through that with a wedding, but with two babies. The whole dance of who else do we need to call and tell personally so our mothers will get off our backs about when they can post the good news on Facebook. And then we inevitably forget someone anyway. It's a good thing our friends don't take it personally! LOL

At least I hope they don't...

RoughGem RoughGem

Wow, maybe your friends and family get offended at the drop of a hat, but mine don't and everything went fine for me.

The only person I called was my sister--everyone else found out in person, through Facebook or the grapevine (and that includes all friends and almost all relatives).

Rebecca Peterson

Most everyone in my life get told things via Facebook. It's eaiser than calling everyone, and my phone loves to drop calls, and time differences suck. I figure after whoever is immediately involved is notified, then parents are notified, THEN the world can know.

PonyC... PonyChaser

Not wedding or baby stuff, both of those were done for me before FB, but now... if something big happens, I do a phone call or a mass email (using Blind Carbon Copy) to the important parties BEFORE throwing it up on FB. It takes ten minutes (ok, maybe an hour or two, depending on who I'm calling and how long it's been), and covers the "etiquette" bases. And it's nice to actually talk to some people for a change!

jessi... jessicasmom1

I say very little on facebook .... it is easier that way

Maias... MaiasMommy619

I think people need to get over themselves on Facebook....o.O

yanel... yanellitasmom

I am getting married this July and I don't share anything on fb. I find it EXTREMELY annoying myself when others share every fn detail of their life, so I don't do it. All my close friends and family are up to date on everything that's going on, so I don't feel bad about not sharing on fb.

Mindi Brizendine

No one in my family got upset when I told them I was getting married. I hate when people tell every detail about their lives on facebook. I have a friend who updates every few hours about what she's doing. I'm doing laundry. I'm folding laundry.  I'm doing dishes. That crap is annoying.

Rumsita Rumsita

Uh, if sending the contract to your catering manager is "the most exciting news" then you have issues.  A simple update like, "it really feels like everything is falling into place with the wedding plans" once a month is fine, or maybe even "looking forward to tasting lots of cake today".  Details beyond that are boring!  These people are going to be your guests, they are not your co-planners.  Besides, are you inviting all of your Facebook friends to the wedding?  I find it tacky to talk about a party in front of people who aren't invited to said party.

I have a friend who posted every little detail of the planning phase of her son's first birthday party.  Seriously - "ordered the invitations for A's party today".  "Decorations for A's party are supposed to arrive in the mail today."  I was so happy when FB allowed you to pick what sort of information appears in your news feed.  I changed it to only important status updates & new photos for her.  (She does have a seriously cute kid, and she is a great photographer, so I want to see that stuff.)  The kicker was - I knew my daughter wouldn't be invited to the kid's birthday party, which is fine because we don't see each other that often, but it seemed rude to talk about the party in front of her 600 "friends" when probably 30 were invited.

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