Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs: Please Tell Me This Is a Joke
Less than a year after his death, technology guru and Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Jobs will be featured in an upcoming film biopic. The man chosen to portray one of the world's most iconic technology visionaries? Ashton Kutcher, of course.
Yes, the rumors are true: Kutcher is set to play Steve Jobs in a film that's expected to cover Jobs’s ascent from unconventional California hippie to co-founder of the Apple zeitgeist.
While there are some undeniable physical similarities between Kutcher and Jobs, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone with my immediate reaction to the casting news, which can be described as follows:
Okay, so that was more of an "inarticulate Wookie-esque rage-howl" than a "careful deliberation of the pros and cons," but come on. COME ON. Ashton freaking Kutcher? Jobs must be rolling over in his grave: Dude, where's my thoughtful casting choice based on my innumerable contributions to the world?
Apparently Kutcher is going to start filming the movie in May during his hiatus from Two and a Half Men. The idea is to get this particular biopic going before yet another film, based on writer Walter Isaacson's Jobs biography, gets released and confuses the hell out of everybody. "Hey, watch to check out that Steve Jobs movie? No, the other Steve Jobs movie."
I know Kutcher can sort of look like a young Steve Jobs, especially when he has a beard, but how hard would it have been to find an actor with similar facial hair who doesn't suck? Honestly, when has Kutcher ever been known for his ability to carry a lead dramatic role? (And don't even say The Butterfly Effect, because a solitary critically-panned film from 2004 doesn't count.) Unless this Jobs biopic is going to be a goofball rom-com, the only reason I can think of that Kutcher's name got attached to it is because of his eternally mystifying A-lister status.
Or maybe it's because some people actually think of Kutcher as being a tech visionary? You know, because he was early to the Twitter game and likes investing in Internet businesses? Or maybe it's because Jobs was a cult figure and Kutcher's known for his devotion to Kabbalah?
I'm just reaching, here. Because honestly, it seems like a terrible choice. Whoever plays Jobs needs to be dramatic, aggressive, and mesmerizing—and I have zero confidence that Kutcher has the chops to pull it off.
If you ask me, they should have gone with Noah Wyle. Wyle is remarkably well-preserved, and just floundering away in that crappy Falling Skies show. He was great when he played Jobs in Pirates of Silicon Valley back in 1999, and I bet he could do it again.
Well, here's hoping Kutcher's getting some much-needed acting lessons before his May start date, and in the meantime, enjoy my PREFERRED casting choice in action: