craigslistWithout Craigslist, I would have spent the better part of my 20s in unfurnished apartments. And even now, in my 30s, I still use the site. The glass coffee table I'm typing on right now? Craigslist. The IKEA Expedit Bookcase in black-brown that's no longer sitting in my dining room? Craigslist. It's an unbelievable website that I could kill myself for not inventing, and I'm yet to meet a person who's never at least perused it.

Not everyone logs on to search for Anthropologie rugs and mid-century chairs, though. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the majority of people poking around on Craigslist are there for other, weirder reasons. In fact, I know they are because one of my hobbies happens to be poking around on Craigslist to see what weird shit I can dig up. And, friends, it never disappoints. Here are 10 of the weirdest (non-R-rated) Craigslist postings from this week.

Posted, oddly, in Rants and Raves:

"Dirty draws (sic) for the ladies or anyone who wants to buy. I'l wear them for gym, sleep, out the dirty clothes bin, or fresh to you. ALL BOROUGHS i'll deliver them myself."

Also, from Rants and Raves:

"I have always been a keen judge of character. And when I look at this guy, I see Satan. This guy is not your run of the mill social network maker. He either is the Devil or has sold his soul to the Devil. You can see the evil in his eyes."

This was accompanied by a photo of Mark Zuckerberg

Posted in For Sale:

"VERY HEALTHY AND WELL TAKEN CARED OF MOUNTAIN LIZARD FOR SALE FOR $45, YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO PAY $60 AND ILL GIVE YOU THE TANK WITH WOOD BAG FOR BEDDING AND LIGHT FIXTURE. IT IS WELL TAKEN CARED OF AND NEEDS TO BE WITH SOMEONE RESPONSIBLE. VERY PLAYFULL AS WELL. I USUALLY TAKE HIM OUT TO WALKS WITH ME, WITH NO PROBLEM."

Posted in Missed Connections:

"Hey cigar..guns,roses,vanished. First you lie to me. Then you intrigued me. Then you made me reveal my age. Then you complimented me. Then you made me smile. And you made me laugh with your hairy protest....of man. Only four of you in NY??!!! Then you vanished. Well John...with aces...make me laugh another time...you were real sweet. Thank you for that...I told you I have affection for people with cigars...something about that like Hunter Thompson to me. Refreshing..well. thanks"

Posted in Missed Connections:

"Arby's La Cienega. I saw you cute blonde... I was wearing too much black... But it's just because my orthopedic sales rep scrubs are black :)"

Posted in Missed Connections:

"I wanted to buy the socks off ur feet! I wanted to buy the socks you were wearing on your feet... Would you have said yes? Heck, any female want to sell me their dirty socks?"

Posted in Missed Connections:

"Hummus for two? The L from Union Square to the Grand stop: You were reading a copy of Patti Smith's Just Kids through a pair of designer tortoise-shell frames. I was listening to my iPod and cradled a grocery bag from Whole Foods in my lap. You kept looking up from your book in my direction, and I returned your gaze. Wanna share a tub of Sabra sometime?"

Posted in Missed Connections:

"Do U need a Free Handyman??? I do free handy work around your apartment. Cleaning,moving,painting,repairs..anything you need. I do this all for free because,well,I'm bored today and have nothing to do. I also like the feel of being needed. This is not a sex call(though I do give good massage) I am attractive,charming,polite and handy. Why pay? Call on me."

Posted in Missed Connections:

"I make my bed. Every single day."

Posted in Missed Connections:

"Asparagus Fart on the L. We both made a face and I looked around to find out what just died. We enjoyed the nastiness of the stench. We had a nice little chat with our black leather jackets. Yours was cooler than mine with the the side zipper. Yes, it was too bad for me that I had to transfer to the G. Wanna grab a drink and discuss what other kind of scent it could have been---or just find anther topic."

Do you use Craigslist? For, you know, normal stuff?

 

Image via Craigslist