woman on phoneIf you live in France, and you're wondering whether or not your son is gay, have no fear, an app is here. An app that will, with 20 fabulous, fierce, stereotypical questions, finally give you the answer to that burning question you simply had no other way of ever finding out: Is my son a homosexual?

Here's a sampling of some of the inquiries:

  • Does your son like to dress well, and pay close attention to brands?
  • Is he a fan of "diva singers"?
  • Has he been beaten or involved in a fight?
  • Does he like musicals?
  • Do you ask yourself questions about the sexual orientation of your son?

Pretty straightforward, no? And here you thought there was a problem your smartphone couldn't solve.

After a few nail-biting moments, you get the test results. If your son is heterosexual, the app cheerfully informs you, "You do not have to worry, your son is not gay! There is a chance for you to be a grandmother with all the joys it brings." If he is gay, well, the app just wants you to accept it. No H8, remember? It tells you, "No need to look the other way! He is gay! ACCEPT IT!" Thanks for the words of encouragement, French app. I will accept it!

Now, instead of the obvious, holy-shit-is-this-not-the-most-ridiculous-and-inappropriate-thing-you've-ever-heard statements I could make, I'm going to take another, less conventional, more controversial route and say: Hot damn, are apps getting f***ed up.

Before this "Is my son gay" nonsense came the now-defunct in France/still available in the U.S. app "Jew or Not a Jew?" This Apple app let users guess which politicians or celebrities are Jewish. French activist groups said the app violated bans on compiling information on people's religion and revealing that religion without their consent. I say it's just messed up. There is absolutely no point.

What happened to apps like Angry Birds or Bejeweled (which I still happen to play)? Why are apps turning into a means to pigeon-hole people via stereotypes, or a way to find out whether or not your favorite celebrity is Jewish? Who cares?

If you really want to know if your son is gay, I advise you to save yourself some Euros and simply talk to him. If you guys have a good relationship, there's no reason he wouldn't tell you. If you don't, well, you'll probably be downloading that app.

I would just make room for some margin of error when using it, though, because -- spoiler alert! -- not all gays love Lady Gaga.

Do you think these apps are appropriate?

 

Image via riaz kanani/Flickr