Interested in scoring a new job via social media? There are plenty of tips for using Facebook as a job-hunting tool, but sadly for 18-year-old Tim Bynum, no one told him not to reply to someone's status that they were looking for a hit man.
Philadelphia mom Eley London took the enterprising step of posting the following status on May 23: "I will pay somebody a stack to kill my baby father." Apparently she'd had a fight with her boyfriend, Corey Jerome White, and decided to offer $1,000 to anyone in her Facebook network that would remove him from her life.
That's when Bynum got involved and offered his professional services as a baby-daddy assassin. Luckily for Mr. White, his mother spotted the original message—because, again, it was posted on Facebook—and police busted his sorry ass, along with London.
Oh, if only he'd had some savvy advice about what sorts of job listings to avoid when you're networking on Facebook! Starting with "I need a hit man" and moving on to:
Sensual Masseuse. Naturally, if you're looking to be paid for adult services, this sort of status is a fine place to start—but if you're a recently licensed massage practitioner looking for your first paying gig, you might want to avoid anything that insinuates that the therapeutic endings should all be of the happy variety.
Exotic Dancer. They don't mean "exotic" like "multicultural," here. This is not your first step to becoming a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance. Your main dancing skill in this job involves the ability to grip a pole with your inner thighs while moistly sucking your forefinger down to the first knuckle.
ISO of Singles for Mingling; Should Have Healthy Kidney. Yeah, sure, go ahead and respond. If you want to wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a hole in your back, that is.
Colombian Courier. If the job description mentions anything about "must be able to cram a minimum of 20 latex balloons in anus," stay away. Stay far, far away.
This is all to say there are certain job descriptions that just aren't appropriate for Facebook, including 1) posting a request to have someone killed on your behalf, and 2) responding to said request because hey, $1,000! Maybe I can buy some BRAINS with that!
What's your call—is this botched murder-for-hire the all-time stupidest use of Facebook, or would you save that honor for those "Repost this status if you love cats!" messages?