19 Reasons to Get Off Facebook NOW

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facebookNinety-six percent of Americans now use Facebook ... so says a recent Bank of America survey. But I don't buy it. The survey only looked at 418 people all under the age of 50, so we can't really use that percentage as a litmus test for the WHOLE DARN COUNTRY. Plus, I know plenty of people who still don't use it. And what about those people who just have a profile, but barely ever sign on? Who have only ever written one status update: "Hey I'm here!" or have just one, lonely wall post from a friend: "Oh, LOOK, Jen finally decided to join the rest of the universe!" They don't count.

The fact of the matter is that although almost 700 million people are using it worldwide right now, Facebook isn't for everyone, and people who have put off joining the social network for this long deserve some credit! More power to 'em, I say. Because in many ways, they're actually lucking out over the rest of us Facebook fiends. Here, 19 ways you're better off if you're not on Facebook ... 

1. You don't feel compelled to constantly check in. In other words, you're not an addict like those other morons who are constantly scrolling through their News Feed!

2. You don't feel required to know every last detail of your Facebook-using friends' lives. Jessie had twins? Lana is engaged? Mary posted pics of her baby shower? Great, awesome -- you'll get to have the good news delivered to you in a more personal way, aka a phone call or over lunch!

3. You don't miss out on living your life, because your nose is buried in your smartphone's mobile News Feed, reading about what someone else is doing with theirs.

4. You'll never get so caught up in changing a profile picture or "like"-ing bands that, before you know it, it's 7 p.m. and your boss is wondering where the hell that assignment is that was due three hours ago. Whoooops.

5. You have more security than your friends who insist on "checking in" via Places or Foursquare. If they want the world (or, okay, just their friends) to know that they're not home and their apartment is just waiting to be robbed, let 'em!

6. You get to "share" important changes in your physical appearance (you lost weight, got a nose job, dyed your hair, cut your hair, are pregnant) with friends and family the old-fashioned way ... in person!

7. You don't have to go through the heart-wrenching process of indirectly announcing to the world that you broke up with your S.O. via your relationship status.

8. You're not tempted to stalk exes' Facebook profiles. Forget temptation. If you can't log in and if you're not friends with them, it's not even an option! Also, you don't have to worry about de-friending an ex or re-friending or whatever-ing an ex. The past remains in the past.

9. You don't need to put up with diatribe, opinionated, or overtly political or religious status updates or comments from people who treat Facebook like their own (obnoxious) personal soap box.

10. You get to remain blissfully ignorant about all the dumb crap your loved ones do (like drink too much, hunt, worry about what kind of toilet paper to buy, vote Republican, eat at Bennigan's).

11. Similarly, you get to remain blissfully ignorant about the fact that you weren't invited out to girls' night.

12. Ditto on never having to see your current boyfriend/husband's college photos of him with skanks ... which will make you unnecessarily jealous.

13. You don't have to take a pummeling to your self-esteem when you see your friend got her awesome body back, like, two weeks after she gave birth.

14. You don't have to witness a virtual high school reunion between two former classmates ... and then the impending vague status updates ... and final nail in the coffin relationship status change from "Married" to "Separated," "Divorced" or "Single." 

15. You won't find yourself cringing watching needy, pathetic friends comment or "like" their own statuses.

16. You don't have to put up with friends who are teachers writing at least 16 updates a piece about how a.) their students suck or b.) they're off ALL SUMMER LONG. (Hey, I love my teacher friends, but listen, we all know you put up with A so you can enjoy B, ok?)

17. You won't ever have to field and reject friend requests from any of the following: Your parents, your friends' parents, a creepy old teacher you didn't like in high school let alone 10 years later, someone from elementary school you weren't friends with in elementary school let alone 20 years later, someone you literally de-friended your sophomore year of high school, etc. 

18. You don't have to witness domestic disputes play out via wall posts or, almost as bad, virtual PDA or sextus updates (like sexting but through status updates).

19. You won't resent Mark Zuckerberg for selling your soul to creepy advertisers who gear their promos to what you "like" or comment on.

Did I miss anything? What other "perks" do people who don't use Facebook have over the rest of us who do?


Image via Neeraj Kumar/Flickr

facebook, social media

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Jordan Fabi

You're so right, I hate when I don't get invites to girls night out!

KBW2 KBW2

I'm one of the few not on FB-- and I'm happy not to be!

nonmember avatar Hot Girls

What goes up must come down. Remember Friendster, and Myspace..

Marjc... Marjchaos

I love facebook. Im a hermit and it gives me a tenuous connection to my friends. Also none og my teacher friends brag about summers off or bitch about students. They have lives outside of their jobs.

momav... momavanessa

I stay connected to all my family on Facebook. We all live all over the place. It is cheaper to talk to my family from Mexico on facebook. So my opinion about this post is WHATEVER!!

yobab... yobabywazup

Momavanessa! Yes hun! Half my people are in Mex! It is awesome to share pics and stay updated when ever! :) also have friends in germany and in turkey! So I'd never get to see them or talk to them as much! Not to mention that 2 weeks ago a hurricane destroyed much of Missouri my aunt and cousins were able to update their accnts just before they lost power and cell service. We couldn't call but knew everyone was safe! Sorry but I'm keeping my FB I think if you have drama IRL then you'll have it on FB. If ur Drama free IRL then you'll be just fine on FB!

.Momm... .MommieAJ.

I'm on Facebook, but I can - and have - lived without it. I just use it to keep in touch with people I know, since most of them plaster their life story on there each day. So much easier to know what's going on with them that way than text with them all the time!

melan... melanniek

@yobabywazup-  uhh last I heard missouri doesn't get hurricanes....I've lived here 12 years, and have yet to see one

darle... darlene90

I was on fb. But, decided my life was better without it. My son also deleted his after being threatened by a girl friends ex. I think fb started out a lot better than it has become. Way to much drama!!! I have family on there that I never see or talk to. But, a lot of the stuff posted I'd rather not know. I think fb is nothing more than people letting everyone know there business, and regretting it later. I'd rather not be a part of it. But, to each his/her own.

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