Porn Detection Software Could Ruin Your Internet Fun

Emily Abbate

porn sensorThe coolest software since Mozilla Firefox, researchers from the Korea Advanced Instititue of Science and Technology have made sex-moan detection software that blocks porn from computers. Whereas old-school porn filters generally use image-analysis to find large, flesh-colored areas on your computer screen, this new filter uses audio instead.

The censor has proven to be a whopping 93 percent accurate on their test clips, which just shows all the diligent hours of hard work the programmers had to log. I'm sure that it was really exhausting, playing all of those porn clips. Late hours, too.

I do have just one eensy question though: How does the program specifically distinguish between good old sex noises vs. those laughing baby videos, anyway?

Apparently our voices have a higher pitch during sex. Whoda thunk? Well that, and there's a lot of repetition. Ahhhh, ahhhhh, I get it.

No matter what they say, I just don't think there's any way to be 100 percent on target. In fact, I bet installing this filter could actually ruin your next big party. Really, what get-together is complete without a few home movies? Like these three classic family videos that could get filtered out, on accident:

Your kid's first big dance recital: Forget about the sounds of dozens of little girls flurrying around on stage. Focus on the music. Why your 6-year-old's dance instructor has them dancing to Britney's "I'm a Slave for You" beats me. And there's a whole lot of heavy breathing in that one. Three leaps in, and the video's dunzo.

Baseball game marriage proposal: It's your man's biggest shining moment, and his buddy is there to record the entire thing. Except the second before he proposes, there's a woman in the background yelling after a foul ball. You hear a faint, "The ball's headed this way, baby, baby, BABYYYY!" and the computer screen goes black before he even slips the ring on your finger.

The delivery room: OK, so labor screams could be a little more intense than the satisfying sounds of a good romp session. And, well, I'm not exactly sure why you'd want to upload your delivery room scene onto YouTube. But when it comes to loud screaming and repetition, the delivery room hits the nail right on the head.

Alas, install this software and it looks like you'll have to make a DVD and show life's precious moments on your family's big screen TV, just in case. And while that may be an extra hassle, it's better to breathe easy knowing no one's snooping around the wrong places online.

Now about those magazines under the mattress ... well, you're on your own with that one.

Do you use a porn filter on your home computer? Do you think it's necessary?

Image via AppleGurl/Flickr

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