Would You Wear Your Relationship Status?

Nicole Fabian-Weber
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relationship status braceletsOne of the greatest additions in the history of the Internet was the "relationship status" feature on Facebook. With a little bit of probing -- and perhaps the friending of a person or two -- you get to find out all the gory details about pretty much anyone's romantic life. "Scott Barnow is now single? Sweet!" "Janice Glickman is engaged? Bitch!" It's glorious.

As great as the whole relationship status thing is for Facebook, though, it's not as good as ... a bracelet. Yes, a bracelet! However, a new company, Buump, begs to differ. And they're making bracelets for you to dangle upon your wrist that read, "In an open relationship."

Bad idea. And weird. Not only is wearing a bracelet that says "Married" or "Engaged" a little repetitive, wearing one that says "Single" is a little desperate.

Let's save this -- and these 5 other behaviors -- for the Internet. 'Cause they just don't translate into real life.

Saying LOL. OMG is one thing. You're shortening "Oh, my God," and let's face it, we live in a world of abbreviations, or abbrevs, right now. Whatevs, totes, jel (whatever, totally, jealous, and congratulations if you didn't know what they meant). LOL is kind of an "FU," if you will. If you think something is funny, laugh! Don't say all deadpan, "That's hysterical." Lame.

Talking in 140 characters or less. Abbreviate words all you want, but don't try to cram everything into 140 characters in real life. That would be stupid.

Actually being friends with all your Facebook friends. You have 3,344 FB friends? Damn! You fancy, huh? Why don't you hang out with all of them? Go on, make a date to go grab coffee with that weird kid from elementary school you barely talked to then. Or set up a yoga session with that annoying friend of a friend you met at a party once. Not sounding so fun, is it?

Saying your status updates out loud. That's not how you really talk. I hope it's not. If I ever hear someone say out loud, "Spending the much-deserved weekend holed up with my boo-boo, some wine, and some num-nums," I will throw up on you. Then unfriend you in real life.

Poking people. Don't do it, it's rude! And if you're talking about the other kind of poking, well, for God's sake, use protection.

What other behaviors just don't translate?

 

Image via Buump.com

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