White iPhone Is Bigger Not Better

Emily Abbate

white iphone .2 millimeters thickerI don't know about all of you, but I was totally stoked to hear that the iPhone 4 has arrived in white! I've been pondering making the switch from BlackBerry to iPhone for a long time, and I think we finally have a winner. This is huge!

Well actually, maybe just a bit too huge. According to reports, the white iPhone 4 is actually thicker than its black brother. A full 0.2 millimeters thicker, to be exact! Hmmm ... maybe not so great after all.

Let me tell you something, potential iPhone-ers. You may think this is no big deal, but 0.2 millimeters could make a huge impact on your entire life. Starting with your wardrobe ...

1. The phone won't fit into your favorite pair of hipster skinny jeans. How are you supposed to be the cool mom, now?

2. Your man may develop a slight complex wondering if you're looking for more.

3. That perfect case your mother got you for your birthday won't fit your bigger model. If she sees your phone without it, she'll never buy anything for you again.

4. No matter the color, it's still tracking your every move.

5. Technically, you're getting "more" for your money. This concept could easily transfer to every other item you want to purchase. Helllooooo bargaining complex! Enter therapy.

6. It's white and it's bigger. You have now made yourself prone every penis joke in the book.

7. You'll want everything bigger. A bigger paycheck. A bigger house. Bigger hair! And we all know big hair has been so totally out since the early '90s.

Are you interested in getting the white iPhone?

Image via Apple

Read More