Rant

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    If my sister's wedding has taught me anything, it's that IF I ever get married (yes, 'if'), I am going to do it at City Hall, invite no guests, and then go eat a sub afterward to celebrate. Because big weddings? They are insane. And when there are TWO of them for the same happy couple? They are even nuttier.

    Don't get me wrong! I'm my sister's maid of honor and I've had a blast doing it. But my sister's soon-to-be-in-laws are numerous and they alllll live in Chicago, whereas our smaller clan is located in Rhode Island. My sister and her fiance thought it would be the best plan to do a wedding in Rhode Island and then a second reception in Chicago for members of his family who couldn't make it. Sounds reasonable enough, right? Wrong. 

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    On April 8th, actress Minnie Driver posted a photo of herself relaxing near a beach, along with this message: "Finally on holiday with my family. I'm going to make 4 days feel like a month." The next day, a series of paparazzi photos hit the web showing Driver wearing a two-piece bathing suit during her Miami vacation. Shortly after that, Driver took to Twitter again, this time to to vent her frustrations over being criticized for her bikini body.

    I've seen the reactions she's referring to, and I feel really bad for her. The awful comments about Minnie Driver's appearance weren't just hateful, they were completely unmerited.

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    She may be the First Lady of comedy, but it looks like Julia Louis-Dreyfus could use a history lesson. The Emmy winner looks smoking hot on the latest cover of Rolling Stone magazine, looking years decades younger than her 53 years.

    She's buck-nekkid, back to the camera, looking over her shoulder as she cups her breasts. The only thing she's "wearing" is a (hopefully fake) tattoo of the preamble of the United States Constitution -- a nod to her HBO series, Veep. Right above her hiney is John Hancock's John Hancock, just so we can be very clear that the scrawling on her back is in fact a freedom-y document.

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    Dear Barbie,

    It's been another rough week for you, hasn't it? Somebody left your scantily clad body at the top of the stairs, and you had to be rescued from the slobbery jaws of the dog. And then to top it all off, a bunch of scientists came out with another dubious claim that you are destroying little girls' chances at making something of themselves one teeny weeny waist at a time.

    In a study published in the journal Sex Roles, researchers Aurora M. Sherman and Eileen L. Zurbriggen have issued forth the brazen claim that you, oh plastic one, you are responsible for teaching girls that they have fewer career options than boys.

    They based this assumption, dear Barbie -- or do your friends call you Babs? -- on interviews with 37 girls ages 4 through 7.

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    Ladies and gentlemen, we have officially crossed the line in the "what constitutes oversharing in the social media world" debate. Have you heard about the latest trend taking Instagram by storm? The #AfterSex selfie.

    As if the selfie culture weren't pervasive enough, now we're getting inundated with pictures of couples in post-coital bliss, and just to make sure that we're aware of what activity the naked people in bed were just engaged in, they're tagged with #AfterSex.

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  • Rant

    This Is 11

    posted by Miss Isabella April 1 at 12:00 PM in Big Kid
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    Being 11 is harder than it looks. I know all the grownups are always like, "Oh, you're so lucky to just be 11 and not have so much to deal with." My response is usually a nod and a smile, but sometimes I give them a shrug and a "so so" movement with my hand.

    This is what really goes on in the life of an 11-year-old ...

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    Mom, I’m going to start by saying your choice of breakfast, lunch, and dinner is driving me to do things I’d rather not: like wonder whether I’ve been adopted before I’ve even been born. Really, what was that excuse for food you sent down my tube thing the other day? Because it tasted like hummus mixed with eggs and raisins -- but that can’t be, right? I don’t know much about life on your planet yet, but surely that isn’t food meant for human consumption?

    And then there is this habit you have of only walking around during certain times of the day. What am I supposed to do when the sun goes down? It gets boring in here! I may as well lay it all on the line for you while I’m still here in your cocoon. I have a few more gripes and it’s about time someone (cough, cough) starts paying attention to them.

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    I had to go clothes shopping for my 10-year-old daughter this past weekend. She's going on a class trip next week to a cooler climate, and I had to make sure that she had jeans and a jacket, and extra socks, and of course new pajamas because she's going to be sharing a hotel room with three classmates and a chaperone.

    Also a one-piece bathing suit, because modesty, and apparently a bikini with a full rash guard doesn't count. Wait, why am I packing a swimsuit and a parka for the same trip? Never mind. I'm just following the list. And when it comes to shopping for the tween daughter, it is heads down, eyes forward, no nonsense, get in and get out as quickly as possible because I'm pretty sure that tween clothing stores are run by Satan.

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    When I was a kid, I had a friend who called her parents by their first names. They weren't "Mom" and "Dad," they were "Linda" and "Dave." It always bothered me that she did that. It made it sound like they were her roommates, not her parents. It was jarring. I had totally forgotten about this until recently. While at our local farmers' market, my daughter was trying to get my attention. She didn't use her usual "Mama" or "Mom," she said, "Hey Sunny!" And you know what? It totally freaked me out.

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    A heinous Twitter account has been suspended for promoting the lewdest of lewd teenage behavior. @LIPartyStories, which had more than 25,000 followers, tweeted pictures of high school students from Long Island in various states of sobriety and dress.

    Some of the shocking photos featured veiled threats of rape, inebriation to the point of needing a stomach pump, and even one of a teen girl in a tiara peeing in a sink. Lots of passed out naked folks as well.

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