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    Sometimes when you have a friend or family member who announces their pregnancy, you have to be all sappy and send them a heartfelt note of congratulations that makes flowery references to this special journey/miraculous time in their life. Then there are your awesome friends, to whom you can say things like, "Dude, congrats! Also, welcome to eight months of living in Fartville, Population: You."

    For your pregnant pals who don't mind a little sarcasm along with their heartburn, here are 10 congratulatory cards that are more what I'd call "real talk" than Hallmark. After all, pregnancy is an amazing gift ... one that's frankly best enjoyed if you can laugh at the less-than-perfect moments.

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    Who knows how it started or why it amuses most children so much, but the "I got your nose" game has helped millions of parents get out of tricky situations (read: tantrums) by stopping them dead in their angry or sad tracks and making them laugh uncontrollably at the idea that someone took their noses off.

    But one little girl was so not amused by the game. In fact, the idea of her adorable nose being stolen and not returned to her made her totally freak out. And, like all good parents who want to preserve these precious moments so they can show them to their children when they're older, this mom and dad caught the whole thing on video.

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    Facts of Life star Lisa Whelchel had no idea George Clooney was going to grow up to become the hunk 'o' man he did, and we can't blame her. As everyone's favorite '80s TV snob, Blair Warner spent nine years playing the girl who got every guy she wanted. But, in real life, she never snagged Clooney and has some interesting things to say about him. You may remember he was a star on the sitcom in its later years -- remember when the girls all lived above and worked at a store and Mrs. Garrett's sister (played by Cloris Leachman) took over for the show's matriarch?

    Yeah, they weren't my favorite episodes, either, but I might have felt differently if I were working with George ...

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    There are some very good reasons why you'd want to get a spray tan instead of a sun tan. Cancer, for starters. Why risk skin cancer when you can get the same effect with just a brief visit to a salon? Well ... almost the same effect. If everything goes perfectly. And you remember not to wear those little booties. And you remember to take off your watch. And -- wow, there's a lot of things that can go colossally wrong when you fake 'n' bake. Don't commit these spray tan fails. (But do laugh at them -- shh, we won't tell!)

    More From The Stir: 2 Fixes for Embarrassing Fake Tanning Mishaps

    Do you ever tan at a salon or use self tanner at home?

    Image ©iStock.com/gilaxia

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    So you're in your den watching a bunch of hot men run around in little, tight-fitting shorts (I'm talking about the World Cup of course) when you eagerly unwrap your chocolate bar only to discover -- OMG, BALLS! Literally, on you candy. It would appear that the white chocolate Milkybar has a penis-like shape imprinted on it. And everyone's been oblivious until this week, when London lawyer Robin Jacobs made the discovery and was overcome with strong feelings.

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    Here at The Stir, we go through a lot of stock photos, looking for just the right pictures to go with our posts. And we have to tell you -- there are a lot of wacky couples photos out there.

    Some of them are too silly to use for a serious post. Some of them make us wonder what the heck the photographer was thinking. What the heck are these couples supposed to be doing, exactly?!? We gathered a few of our favorites and made our best guesses.

    More From The Stir10 Strange & Unrealistic Stock Photos of Pregnant Women

    We'll say this much -- at least the couples in these photos make your relationship look normal. (We think?)

     

    Image © JuliaMilberger/iStock

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    We're used to seeing Kristen Stewart in guyswear, but this takes it to a whole 'nother level. In a video for Jenny Lewis' new song, "Just One of the Guys," actresses Stewart, Anne Hathaway, and Brie Larson dress up in drag. All three beautiful women are total dudes, with mustaches and baseball caps and poses -- yo, that's what makes a guy a guy, right? No?

    Well, we think you'll have to see how they look and judge for yourself. Are KStew, Anne, and Brie too pretty and feminine to be one of the guys?

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    D'oh! What is it with the royals and all of their unfortunate photo scandals? No body parts were exposed this time, but Vanity Fair is being accused of giving Prince William more hair in their latest cover photo, you know -- because his bald spot is a bit unsightly or whatever.

    At first glance of the cover, nothing really seems amiss about the royal family's appearance. But if you compare it to the original photo of Wills, Kate Middleton, and Prince George, it's totally obvious that he managed to magically receive a hair transplant overnight.

    Have a looksie and judge for yourself.

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    When it comes time to pose for your mugshot, there are several ways you can go. You can smile despite your alleged crimes. You can smolder a la "hot felon" Jeremy Meeks. You can look grim or repentant or defiant. Orrrr you can make a massive duckface. That's the look that Angela Green decided to go for. Picture Kim Kardashian turned up to 11 (as Nigel Tufnel might say). Green was arrested after she allegedly refused to vacate a hotel room. Didn't they realize she was working on her duckface in the bathroom mirror?! This look could actually be less duckface and more windowpane face -- because she totally looks like she's pressed up against a window. Ahhhh, crazy mugshots. Gotta love 'em. Here's Green's hilarious mug and four more just as side-stitching.

     

    Image via Abram/Flickr

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    If you are a parent and you have a computer, I'm sure you've seen the article titled "6 Words You Should Say Today." Sometimes it's shared under different titles: "The Only 6 Words Parents Need to Say to Their Kids," "This Is the Only Parenting Tip You'll Ever Need," "6 Words You MUST Say to Your Children or You're Literally the Worst and Should Go to Jail," etc. The gist of it is that saying "I love to watch you play" is the best thing you can say to your child when they're doing an activity like sports or playing a game -- much more powerful than praising or criticizing their performance.

    Here's the problem with that oh-so-viral command: what if you do NOT love watching them play, not at all, not even a little bit? What if watching them play is so insanely boring, it makes your brain feel like it's liquifying and is on the verge of erupting from your eye sockets in a wall-splattering fountain of grayish-red gore?

    Because that, friends, is exactly how I feel about Minecraft.

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