Have you seen the new promo for season 8 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians? It has the best beginning: Kim Kardashian gesturing to her body and asking, "How the f*** did I get like this?!?" Wait, before I keep writing, I've gotta watch that promo again. Can someone please make me a gif of that one line?

Okay, now I really want to see that episode, just to hear Kim commenting on her growing baby bump ... gee, that phrase just doesn't seem adequate in this context. Her burgeoning pregnancy curves, how's that?

Sigh. For over a week, I've been frantically searching my house for my son's Little League hat, because it's totally embarrassing for us to keep showing up on the ball field without it. I literally combed this place from top to bottom trying to locate the damn thing to no avail, and I'd all but given up -- until yesterday evening.

That's when I just happened to open the top drawer of my son's dresser, and lo and behold, there was the hat. Want to know why it was there? I'd put it in that drawer a couple weekends ago -- so I wouldn't lose it. So when his next game or practice rolled around, I'd know exactly where to go to grab it and we could be on our merry way.

But you know what? If I'd simply left it lying on top of the washing machine or kitchen island where it usually winds up -- I would've had no problem figuring out where it was.

Remember when all those pictures went around showcasing Justin Bieber smoking pot? And then Bieber apologized for smoking pot while guest-hosting SNL, saying he was sorry for letting his fans down? Well apparently the Biebs has learned his lesson, because he and his people have come up with a legitimate contract that everyone, EVERYONE, has to sign before entering his Calabasas mansion. And let me tell you, Bieber's party contract is intense.

Highlights include a section that states that anyone who enters the house and blabs about the people there, including the "physical health, or the philosophical, spiritual, or other views or characteristics" of those partying, will get in big trouble. Oh, and if you tweet, blog, Instargram, or Facebook about the shebang? Hello, $5 million fine. FIVE. MILLION. DOLLARS.

The first rule of Bieber's party is you can't talk about Bieber's party.

Even though there are plenty of hazards every time we get behind the wheel, did you know that having kids in the car is 12 times more distracting than talking on your cellphone while driving?

Sure, things like daydreaming, incoming text messages, and loud music all play a part in making us less focused too -- but little ones who are crying, screaming, or making incessant demands and requests from the backseat are far more effective at making moms take their eyes off the road.

But if you're like every other busy mom on the planet, you probably assume you multitask just fine in the car and that your driving isn't any less safe even when tending to your children.

It's only natural for her to want to surround herself with good friends to help deal with the aftermath of her breakup with Robert Pattinson, but why the heck is Kristen Stewart hanging out with Taylor Swift?

No, seriously you guys -- those two are apparently buddies, and Kristen recently "spent all day" at Taylor's home in Beverly Hills, which is just plain weird no matter how you look at it. (And why is Taylor in Cali when she has that fat new pad in Rhode Island to chill out at?)

I mean, can you think of two girls who are more polar opposite than these two? When and where, exactly, did this friendship begin? The only thing they have remotely in common is their connection to Taylor Lautner, so it just seems strange for them to be so chummy.

Have you got a smart-mouthed kid? Ever catch your son or daughter making jokes on their homework? Well you'll love this kid. On a school worksheet that prompts: "I earn my money at home by ___" a child named Frankie replies, "I don't. I am a freeloader." Oh Frankie! Telling it like it is. That sounds just like my kid, actually. He's a freeloader, too. And he's also kind of a smart mouth.

The Reddit user who posted this note online admits Frankie may have learned that word from his parents -- and that "knowing her parents, it was definitely out of humor." Still, Frankie has a point. Aren't all kids total freeloaders, really?

Last night, as I often do when I should be doing something else, I got sucked into my Scary Mommy Confessional. It's been a while since I've shared confessions, so here are some of my favorite recent ones. Can you relate to any? I certainly can ...

I love people watching. I can do it anywhere. In the mall. At the park. But I have to admit, some of the best people watching moments come right in my house -- while I'm watching a baseball game. And the wife who doused her husband with her beer in the middle of the Chicago Cubs vs. New York Mets game this weekend didn't disappoint.

Hubby saw Cubs pitcher Travis Wood get a hold of a ball and send it barrelling at the bleachers -- right where he was sitting with his beloved. So he jumps up -- probably to snag the thing but also to save his wife's hide -- and ends up knocking his wife's beer all over her in the process. So what did she do? What do you THINK she did? Just watch: