Well, it's finally happened: one of Taylor Swift's famous exes has retaliated -- musically speaking, that is -- for being on the receiving end of her lyrics. For anyone who's ever been sick of the constant scrutiny over who Taylor Swift is singing about, this is great news! Now we can scrutinize someone else's equally crappy music for potential references to Taylor Swift!

God, it's like some sort of crappy vortex of immature public whining delivered via acoustic guitar, isn't it? But I have to hand it to her onetime lover, he's nailing headlines for producing a mostly blah-sounding song that people are eagerly deciphering like it's the frigging Da Vinci Code.

Didn't you love the way Nigella Lawson's husband Charles Saatchi explained why he was photographed choking his wife? "It was a playful tiff." Yeah right, that's exactly the look I get on my face every time I have a playful tiff, too. Asshole. Well, with an investigation looming, Saatchi decided to do the right thing and turned himself in to the authorities. Sort of. He took what's called a "caution," which is when you voluntarily go in and let the police question you and then you get a finger wagging. And once again, Saatchi's made a weaselly statement of non-guilt.

There's one surefire way to get publicity in this country, and that's to "accidentally" expose an intimate part of your naked body during what's now commonly referred to as a wardrobe malfunction. The second way, apparently, is to be caught on video stepping all over an American flag. Lil Wayne may be under fire for the latter, but let's just take a brief moment to heave a collective sigh of relief he's not making headlines for the former, okay? (Lil' Wayne's probably-tattooed, gold-toothed penis: NOW YOU CAN'T MENTALLY UNSEE IT.)

So if you missed the flag freakout, it's all centered around the music video Lil Wayne was filming in New Orleans over the weekend. In the clip, an American flag falls to the ground behind him, then he proceeds to walk back and forth on it while singing "God Bless Amerika."

Predictable, plenty of people went insane with rage. In fact, reactions may have been a Lil too much for Wayne -- because wait until you hear his excuse for the flag-trampling.

In what has to be some sort of effort to connect with "regular" moms, Jennifer Lopez says her "jiggly" post-pregnancy belly is something she not only loved -- but felt she had earned after the birth of her twins, Max and Emme.

You know what I mean by the jiggly belly, right? (And if this is your first pregnancy and you aren't quite sure what I'm referring to, I apologize for being the bearer of bad news.)

Ugh. The jiggly belly. It's the WORST. It's like your stomach still looks kind of pregnant, except it's not a big, firm baby bump anymore. It's just this mushy fold of loose skin that sags and hangs down from your midsection -- and, of course, jiggles. (Gross.)

When we learned last week that Kristen Stewart will be starring in the Iraq war-themed movie, Camp X-Ray, we were stoked for her. It sounded like a smart career move -- a meaty, serious role for KStew. But one person is not so impressed: Supposedly, Robert Pattinson thinks Kristen is copying him. A source from his camp says, "Rob is convinced Kristen is now trying to duplicate his film choices with Camp X-Ray." What???

It just so happens that Rob has been trying to make an Iraq war movie of his own. It's called Mission Blacklist and follows a soldier's two-year hunt for Saddam Hussein. Rob was planning to start filming at the end of the year, which means not only did Kristen copy him, but her film will beat his film out of the gate. But what does he care? Is he seriously thinking, "Lady, there's only room for one Iraq war film in this here town"???

OMG. It's really happening, people! Supposedly Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart held hands in public -- which means it shouldn't be too terribly long before the rumor mill is overflowing with tales of the "dramatic reunion that made them realize just how much they mean to each other."

(Gag. Barf. Hurl. Repeat.)

Because if whoever spotted Rob and Kristen really was looking at the former lovebirds (not a couple of people who resemble them), then the only possible explanation for them being physically affectionate with each other is because they're back together and in love and are now going to live happily ever after, right?

Oh for Pete's sake -- can't you already predict the chain of events that's about to take place?

We already knew that they were "living together," all while sleeping in separate bedrooms, but would you believe that Bachelor Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici have a roommate? Or at least that's what it sounds like based on comments Sean made to Life & Style.

Get this one -- the separate apartments they were living in after getting engaged on The Bachelor finale? Um, Dancing With the Stars was paying the rent for those -- not them.

And now that DWTS is long over, Sean and Catherine had to find another place to crash, which is why they're living at a friend's house.

Teen Mom fame whore Farrah Abraham gave guests at her Las Vegas pool party a whole lot more than they bargained for when she "accidentally" flashed the party her newly enhanced D-cup breasts. Is anyone buying this was an accident?

It apparently happened when Farrah was posing for photos and her breast just happened to slip out of her top. I mean, because that's SO normal, right? Doesn't your boob always pop out of tops?

This sounds suspiciously like her "private sex tape" with porn star James Deen that was allegedly leaked to the public without her consent and she was forced to sell it only after (yeah, right). How much do you want to bet this is yet another (pathetic) cry for publicity?