Sports

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    Okay, New Orleans. Let's talk about this blackout at the Super Bowl. A whole 34 minutes in the dark! (Or anyway, in auxiliary lights.) What happened? Did the 49ers pull the plug for an extra-long time-out? Was Beyoncé too hot? Was it the ghost of Katrina?

    There is an "official" explanation, but it's incredibly vague: An "abnormality in the system" cased the Super Bowl blackout, according to Superdome officials. A piece of monitoring equipment picked up on the abnormality and shut off the lights so the issue could be isolated. The emergency generators kicked in immediately. But they don't know what caused that "abnormality."

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    There have been some pretty crazy moments in the 47 years of Super Bowl history. But Super Bowl XLVII may just have taken the prize for the craziest game on record. The lights in the Superdome went out in the middle of the game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens, for crying out loud! And did you catch that Ravens player pushing the ref? Or that 108-yard touchdown run?

    Nestled in between all those commercials were moments we'll be talking about for days. Just in case you missed 'em, here's what you need to know to keep up with the conversation:

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    It's Super Bowl time everybody! Are you ready for some FOOTBALL! We've gathered everything you need to know to enjoy the Super Bowl XLVII this weekend.

    This Sunday, February 3, the Baltimore Ravens will face the San Francisco 49ers in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana. Kick-off time is at 5:30 E.T. The game will air on CBS, or you can watch the game online for free at CBSsports.com. Over 100 million people are expected to watch -- and several more will watch the halftime show. Here's EVEN MORE on the Super Bowl, including the part we're most looking forward to...

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    You seriously can't get through the media superstorm that is the week before the Super Bowl without a player saying something really, really stupid. Case in point: Chris Culliver. He's a cornerback for the San Francisco 49ers, and he recently caused a lot of controversy over his viewpoints on homosexuals.

    A radio host asked the 24-year-old first about his sex plans with white women during Super Bowl week (yeah ...). He followed that up by asking Culliver if he'd ever pursue a homosexual man.

    "I don't do the gay guys, man. I don't do that ... Ain't got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up outta here if they do. Can't be with that sweet stuff."

    He then went on to say a gay teammate wouldn't be accepted. "Nah. Can't be ... in the locker room, nah. You've gotta come out 10 years later after that."

    Disgusting, right? And, seriously, hate to say it, but we're all thinking it: Did this dude completely forget which city he plays for?

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    Another day, another lying sports star and a "love child", to boot. Football great Dan Marino -- "the greatest quarterback never to win a Super Bowl" -- fathered a child in 2005 with a CBS employee named Donna Savattere, a then-35-year-old production assistant at CBS Sports. He then paid her millions of dollars to keep quiet.

    Not a bad gig for Savattere, right? Marino's biggest mistake, of course, was in not telling his wife. These things ALWAYS come out. It's a CHILD for god's sake. They aren't very easy to hide.

    Apparently Marino and Savattere agreed to keep it quiet. In a statement he gave to the New York Post, he said:

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    Whether you care that there's a Super Bowl this Sunday or not, one thing's for sure: Every year, there are always some pretty fantastic storylines. Some are tragic, some are uplifting, some are really huge coincidences, and some end up in sports lore for all eternity. Pretty heavy stuff, eh?

    Well, in case you really weren't paying attention to the NFL until now, and could really care less about the San Francisco 49ers and/or the Baltimore Ravens, we've put together a list of some of the biggest stories leading up to this Sunday. You never know? With a little sleuthing, the tales behind the players and coaches could perhaps pique your interest before Sunday night.

    Or you could just sit there and eat some wings and chips and get drunk off beer and whiskey to the point of mental & physical oblivion. Wouldn't blame you for doing that, either.

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    Ah, it's that old story of a boy who loved a girl. And a girl who loved a boy. But then she died. And then she came back to life. And then the boy lied about it. And then everyone discovered the girl was really a boy. And the boy loved the boy. Sniff.

    Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, the boy behind the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend hoax, has confessed what might have seemed the obvious awhile ago -- he was actually in love with Manti. So he, um, pretended to be a girl. Because that makes sense, right?

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    Brendon Ayanbadejo Hey, did you hear that the Super Bowl is going down this weekend? Fun times! You'll probably want to tune in for the commercials, the halftime performances, the exciting game ... and the good-looking players, perhaps? Why not, right? They'll all be running around hitting each other in tight pants, after all. Could be worse ways to spend your Sunday.

    Especially if you have no real affinity toward the Baltimore Ravens and/or the San Francisco 49ers, maybe familiarizing yourself with the hottest players could get you more invested in the game (hey, I said maybe). 

    Someone had to do it, but we went through all the rosters for each team playing in the Big Game this year and picked out the sexiest guys in the bunch. You know you want to see it.

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    Did you all forget about Tiger Woods? Well, ever since he had a crazy episode regarding his car and a golf club back in 2009 and it turned out that he was cheating on his super hot gorgeous wife Elin Nordegren and it tore his family apart and he really hasn't done much professionally since, it's kind of easy to forget all about him. Until, of course, news of his dating life comes to light.

    Turns out, his latest girlfriend is none other than hottie blonde skier Lindsey Vonn.

    Beautiful, tall, athletic, did I say blonde, sure, anyone could see Tiger's attraction. She may not exactly have that, um, porn star look, but maybe his tastes have matured a bit since the scandal (yeah right).

    Still, though, gotta wonder what a gorgeous, talented, extremely rich woman like Vonn is doing with a serial cheater like Woods. Because probably the first thing that went through her mind was: Better get this dude tested.

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    Technically we're still a week and a half away from finding out who will be the Super Bowl MVP, but I've got a name to throw in the ring. Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo. He is the one guy who has decided he's going to use all the attention he's getting these days for something worthwhile. No, not grabbing a major endorsement deal. This one's infinitely more noble. 

    Ayanbadejo has figured out how to leverage his team's big moment to help forward the fight for marriage equality! The 36-year-old is already one of the NFL's two most vocal proponents of LGBT rights (one of the leading images on Google shows him bare-chested with NOH8 painted on his pectoral), and when his team took the AFC title from the New England Patriots on Sunday night, he saw his chance to do something big.

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