Have you ever played that game, "What Would You Do if You Were Rich?" Course you have. It's so fun to think about. Rich people have the freedom to do some really crazy shiz. Take DeShawn Stevenson for example. For whatever reason, the answer to the question above was: "Oh, obviously, I'd install an ATM in my own damn kitchen."
Stevenson, an NBA player for the Brooklyn Nets who's also most famous for his Abe Lincoln neck tattoo, reportedly has earned over $26 million as of 2010, so yes, I guess he can afford to install an ATM in his own kitchen. His extremely questionable outfit aside, we can go on and on about how absurd this is and how weird rich folks can be and how money can make people so, so out of touch.
But let's ponder this life-altering question instead: When would it be beneficial to have an ATM installed in one's kitchen? Believe it or not, I actually came up with a few answers.
1.) A delivery guy comes, and you have no cash to tip him with. Hey, come on, this has actually happened to me once or twice, so I'll admit, having an ATM in my kitchen would have been kind of helpful.
2.) He's giving a huge middle finger to banks that charge $5 transaction fees. However, there are no reports yet as to whether he charges his friends transaction fees to use said ATM. And then I guess he can pocket those fees. Uh, is DeShawn secretly a genius?
3.) When he invites some strippers over for a stripper party, there will be no end to the party in sight if there's an unlimited amount of cash to stuff down some thongs in one's house.
4.) It'll make him much more honest. If someone comes by and asks for a loan to be repaid, he can't say, "Oh, I don't have the money on me, can I hit you up tomorrow?"
5.) If he ever has the urge (as we all have had, admit it), he can withdraw all of the money, throw it on his bed, and jump/roll around in it.
6.) It's a safe place to put your money. Remember the two guys who tried to rob an ATM in Barbershop? There was absolutely no way in hell they could get that sucker open.
7.) The stock market has been simply awful lately. I've always threatened to take my money out of the market and stick it under my mattress for safekeeping. I guess in principle this really is no different? An ATM machine is a lot more fun (and a much bigger conversation starter, clearly) than a safe.
So, maybe not as absurd as you once believed, hmmm? Okay, yes, it is pretty absurd, but hey, I'm not going to go around telling anyone how they should spend their $26 million. The guy might want to invest in a new outfit, though. Just sayin'.
What do you think about installing an ATM machine in your house?
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