Anthony CromartieBeyonce wrote the song and Jay-Z did a cameo in it, but they ain’t got nothin’ on Anthony Cromartie and his wife, Terricka, who are genuinely crazy and, I guess, in love. The New York Jets cornerback, who was in Miami on May 6, got two texts from her in the wee hours of the morning saying: “God forgive me, I don’t want to die. What have I done?” and “I cut my wrists. I took those pills.” Naturally, he was alarmed—particularly because the missus is seven months pregnant—and called local New Jersey police to check on her back home.

So when emergency responders literally beat down her door with an axe and a sledgehammer to save her from her own self-murderous hands, she was all like oopsie! I was just taking a nap in bed with my two daughters and, oh FYI, had no intention of killing myself. As it turns out, Mrs. Cromartie just suspected that the hubs was cheating on her and sent those messages to shake him up a little bit. 

As all of us have learned, if faking a suicide won’t make your man stay faithful, nothing will. It’s just one of those life lessons every girl has to experience and understand for herself.

When police pressed Terricka Cromartie about her messages, she got all sassy-like and said she not only had no intention of going through with the killing of herself, but that she had every right to say that she was because the First Amendment apparently guarantees protection of idle threats of self-harm against spouses in the middle of the night. Duh officers. Read your Constitution every once in a while.

Upon further review, the responding cops decided she might benefit from a little trip down to the psych ward for evaluation. Child protective services took temporary custody of her girls, one from a previous relationship and another from the man with the sperm of steel.

My question to her is: this dude is a professional athlete with 10 kids. Count ‘em: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 kids, including eight by seven other women. How in the world could you suspect that guy is not cheating? You’ve got to know what you’re signing up for with a man who can’t even keep accurate count of his children and their ages. He needs a swig of Gatorade and a shot of ginko biloba just to make it through a rundown of his brood:



That man has four three-year-olds. Four kids at the same damn time. So you think that baby-making machine values the moral fibers of marriage and fidelity? Cupping my hands and shouting across cyberspace: don’t fake suicide. Pack your bags, your little girls, your big pregnant belly, and the little bit of dignity you have left, and leave. Just leave.

We’ve seen this foolishness play out before so we know she’s not going anywhere, so stay tuned for more melodrama. And now it’s four times the fun in the Cromartie household (one of them, anyway). Terricka announced on Twitter that the couple is expecting twins.

A free crib note to the chief sperm slinger: this will make lucky numbers 11 and 12.

Do you think women who marry pro athletes should just expect that cheating is part of the NFL/NBA/NHL/MLB/NASCAR lifestyle?


Image via Getty