10 Athlete-Inspired Baby Names to Avoid at All Costs

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baby footballNaming your baby after a beloved family member or friend is so over. So are such infant-naming trends as choosing a moniker based on a city (Brooklyn? Paris?) or iconic musician (Jagger? Garcia?). The newest fad? As any superfan knows, these days it's all about naming your baby after your favorite athlete.

Apparently in Nebraska, one of the hottest names for the past two years running has been Taylor (after Taylor Martinez of the Huskers, of course).

Sure, why not? A successful athlete is as good a role model as any. Unless, that is, they're a scandalously successful athlete ... and lord knows there's no lack of outrageous characters in sports.

Hey, I'm not judging, but if I were going to name my kid after a pro-athlete, here are some names I would definitely avoid ...

  1. Tim: Unless you want your little guy growing up with a god complex, naming him after Tim Tebow (whoops, I mean Jesus) probably isn't the best plan.
  2. Jeremy: Perhaps I'm being unfair. One thing you can say for Jeremy Mayfield is that he keeps on trying ... when he fails one drug test, he takes another. And another. And another!
  3. Plaxico: Though I guess naming your child after Plaxico Burress would serve as a lifelong reminder to not keep your gun in the waistband of your sweatpants. Ouch, who shot me in the leg, man!? Oh ...
  4. Kevin: No one wants a kid who runs around the playground spewing insults like Kevin Garnett and then coming up with lame excuses for them (nah, I said cancerous, not cancer patient!).
  5. O.J.: What, like I could leave that one out?
  6. Dennis: We'd all love for our sons to be five-time NBA champions like Dennis Rodman when they grow up, but the orgy-broadcasting and stripper-spanking? Not so much.
  7. Shaquille: Some may argue me on this one, but considering Shaquille O'Neal's stance on infidelity, parents would be wise to think ahead (an endless stream of angry girlfriends egging your house, showing up on your doorstep sobbing, you get the picture).
  8. Michael: Look, if you name your kid after Michael Vick, don't buy him any pets!! For the love of god. Please.
  9. Tonya: Can't forget about the girls now, can we? If naming your daughter after Tonya Harding isn't bad mojo, I don't know what is.
  10. Kobe: Homophobic slurs, beating people up in church ... it's all in a day's work for Kobe Bryant. Unless you're a criminal defense lawyer, I really don't think you're prepared for that child.

Would you name your baby after a famous athlete?

 

Image via Kyle and Kelly Adams/Flickr

athletes, scandal