Steven Tyler, have I got a bone to pick with you. Scott McCreery has an OK voice. He was a fine pick for an American Idol, I guess. But it's come to my attention that your habit of wearing feathers in your hair on the show has started a new trend across America. Which would be just fine and dandy until I found out it's messing with the fly fishing this year!
As a girl who lives a stone's throw from the birthplace of American dry fly fishing (Roscoe, New York, just voted the Ultimate Fishing Town, USA, can I get a hells yeah?!), Steven, I have to say I'm a tad bit perturbed. It turns out folks are flipped out for feathers, creating a shortage for the guys and gals who need them to create the "flies" that give the sport its name.
And where there are no flies, there are no fish. And where there are no fish, well, you get the picture Steven! You're ruining the sport, one swish of that fabulous mane at a time!
Perhaps you're not familiar with dry fly fishing? You think we can just grab a fat, juicy worm from the ground, plop it on a hook, and drop it in the water? Oh, you Hollywood types. Sigh.
Dry fly fishing is art, man! These delicately formed lures, made to look just like real flies by talented fly "tiers," are hooked onto the end of a line, and then the real magic begins. Just like making music, a talented fisherman or fisherwoman grabs her rod and whips her wrist around, letting the line catch on the breeze until the fly settles right on top of the water like a real insect would. No fat worm sinking to the bottom for them.
No, they want to trick the fish; they want the reality of a fish coming to the top of the river to take a nibble at some buggy dinner, only to come to mama! And then there's the eating, naturally. And that comes with its own music. The rhythmic mmm, smack, mmm, smack.
Those feathers do look cute in your hair. I'm sure they sound all nice when they come brushing past your ears. Like music, maybe? But somewhere a hungry fisherwoman is waiting to make some music of her own.
So do me a favor? Tell your fans to go faux with their feather fetish. We've only got a few more months until fishing season's done in these parts, and the trout are hungry from some flies.
A concerned fly fishing fan.
P.S. If you've never seen it done, I welcome you to come out to our first cast on April 1. We usually get a celebrity -- this past year it was Mark Ruffalo; Mr. Incredible Hulk himself. Just leave the feathers at home. The fish are mighty hungry.
Image via Getty Images/Kevin Winter