Dear Miguel Cabrera,
Word has it you went all the way to Florida for spring training with the Tigers, but you're not having much fun in the sun. You spent about seven hours in jail, dealing with drunk driving charges this morning. Sucks to be you.
But how do I know this already, you might ask? I'm freezing my butt off in New York, only dreaming of Port St. Lucie sunshine. I didn't see it happen. But Miguel, you made sure I'd know it was you in that cop car.
Because you made sure the cops knew exactly who you were. In fact, when the cops asked you to submit to a breathalyzer, you asked them, "Do you know who I am?" Memory a little shoddy on that one? It was sometime before you (allegedly) picked up a bottle of Scotch in front of those fine officers and took a swig. Then you said it again, about the time you (allegedly) resisted being put in a cop car.
Oh, Miguel. It's a good thing you're a silver slugger, because the good people in Detroit certainly aren't coughing up $20 million for your brains. Perhaps you've taken a few too many balls to the head, so we'll explain this one slowly. Sports stars who make a point of telling the cops how much they're worth as they're arrested are the same sports stars who walk out of the precinct to find a bunch of reporters shoving tape recorders in their faces. Funny how that happens, huh?
We do know who you are, Miguel. Until this morning, you were a probable Hall of Famer second only to Albert Pujols in the guys to watch at spring training. You came out of alcohol rehab last year around this time all shiny and clean, and you wowed us with the league-leading on base percentage, and RBIs, with 38 homers and a .328 batting average.
Miguel, yesterday you were worth that $20 million. Today, you're your own worst enemy, a dude who cares more about who he is than what he brings to his team. You're not worth the bail money you posted to get back to spring training.
Do you think stars could quash some of their bad press if they were just more humble?
Image via Getty Images/Nick Laham/Staff