If you don't give birth within an hour of getting to the hospital, clearly you are doing it wrong. Faster, mama, faster! Drugs, drugs, drugs! Speed it up! That's how it seems sometimes. Induction. Pitocin. Cervidil. And then there's cytotec. It used to be used a lot until the FDA said misoprostol (which is cytotec) is not approved to induce labor or soften the cervix. (It's approved to prevent ulcers.) But it's still used in L&D because the makers filed an investigation. Guess who just reinvented themselves? Misoprostol! This new form is supposedly faster than ever.

Brace yourselves, mamas, because synthetics in the labor and delivery room often mean the intensity of birth goes from 1 to 10 in minus two seconds, and if this gets approved, I think it will mean increased complications, c-sections, and more and more women and doctors not trusting our ability to birth our babies naturally. This is why we fear birth ... because too many think we can't do it.

Testing during pregnancy -- it becomes such an issue full of questions and doubts. There are sonograms, and of course more invasive procedures like amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling (CVS), which could supply very helpful information or fill your head with worry. The issue with amnio and CVS is when performed there is a risk of miscarriage. A risk, even if slight, is too great for some to agree to. Each year, about 200,000 women have an amnio, with a miscarriage rate between 1 in 400 and 1 in 200. CVS not only has a rate between 1 in 200 and 1 in 100, but there is risk of infection, and very, very rarely birth defects. No one thinks of these things when trying to conceive.

There's a new test and all it requires is having some blood taken to scan for the three most common chromosomal disorders. 

Can you believe it's been a year since Blue Ivy Carter made her way into the world? Apparently her famous parents can't either. Word has it Beyonce's sonogram will be revealed in an upcoming HBO documentary, throwing us back into the kind of celebrity pregnancy hoop-la we haven't seen since, um, well, since a week or two ago when Kanye West dropped his "Kim's having my baby news."

But enough about Kimye! Beyonce certainly wouldn't want to be sharing the spotlight with a Kardashian right now. She's got an amorphous black and white blob to show off because everyone needs to see that, right? I said, right?

In the up-and-down roller coaster of a relationship between Real Housewives of Orange County Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley, things are apparently looking up. So up, in fact, that Gretchen has announced to the world that she's ready to procreate, and she and Slade are working on having a baby.

That's a pretty big change of heart from this past summer, when it seemed like they were headed for splitsville for good. So you've got to wonder about the change of heart, and, more importantly, why is she talking about getting pregnant now before she is, especially with a pretty big complication in their way.

I think it's pretty common, right, for new moms to be neurotic about the mortality of their precious little angel? To go into the nursery to check and make sure their sleeping baby is still breathing? To start to panic if things seem a little "too quiet"?

At least that's what I hear. 

But isn't that supposed to wear off at some point?

You're having a baby! Welcome to the incredibly overwhelming time when you're faced with making the best, most informed choices. Those decisions start the minute we find out we're pregnant. We have doulas, midwives, birth educators, and doctors to share their knowledge, but we should do our own investigating in books, online, and through friends so it feels right and works best for us.

With this baby-having, I think every woman should have a birth plan. And then a plan in case that birth plan needs to change. Because it probably will and that's okay. What's not okay is having unnecessary procedures affecting us and our babies without us knowing why, and if any potential consequences could come from those procedures. I stumbled across a Consumer Reports article on what to reject when you're expecting. A must-read. Let's review.

We all know about how in places like, oh, I don't know, China, people are so brainwashed to want sons that they routinely abort female fetuses, right? Well, in yet another twisted example of human nature's inherent screwed up-ness, it turns out that women in this country are paying tens of thousands of dollars to guarantee they'll give birth to a girl baby. Apparently prenatal gender selection is a multi-million -- yes, multi-million -- dollar industry right here in America. Um, how did this happen?

Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) was originally developed to screen for genetic diseases. It's similar to in vitro fertilization; the difference is the removal and testing of one single cell before the embryo is implanted. The process runs couples about $18,000 a pop and approximately 4,000 to 6,000 procedures are performed annually. Because ... I have absolutely no idea.

Recently DNA testing trucks have taken to the streets of New York City, causing many people to raise an eyebrow at the appropriateness of their existence. The "Who’s Your Daddy" vehicles closely resemble trendy food trucks, but instead of delicious lobster rolls or Korean street tacos, they’re peddling paternity tests.

That’s right, they’ll roll right up, and you can walk right up, and find out exactly which man in your life contributed half of your little bundle of joy’s DNA. Or if you’re the dad, find out if it’s you or some other dude that should be making those child-support payments.