POSTS WITH TAG: motherhood

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    Now that I am an experienced and somewhat jaded mother of three, I look back longingly to my very first pregnancy.

    Everything was so brand-new and exciting. My husband came with me to every single doctor’s appointment. He rubbed my belly. He rubbed my feet. We went eagerly and early to our childbirth classes. We both read books. Lots of books. I subscribed to parenting magazines, spent incredible amounts of time on the Internet, and welcomed advice from any woman who had ever had, wished to have, or would eventually have a baby. I shared sonograms, bare belly photos, and had three different baby showers thrown in my honor. I kept a journal of my deepest thoughts and feelings all the way through my pregnancy and beyond.

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    Are you familiar with the "Mom bathroom"? The bathroom doesn't necessarily come to mind as a place that takes on the various characteristics of parenthood the way a car does (So. Many. Crushed. Goldfish crackers), or your boobs (as in, I could swear there was a time when I didn't need a paint stick to get everything situated in my sports bra …), but if you have kids, I bet you kissed your picture-perfect, ready-for-guests-at-a-moment's-notice bathroom goodbye a long time ago.

    Mom bathrooms are indeed a thing, and they can be identified by the following tell-tale signs.

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    One of the most enduring clichés of motherhood is that raising kids is so consuming, you don't even have time to take a bathroom break by yourself. Luckily, this smothering phase is mostly limited to parenting mobile babies and young toddlers, but it sure seems to last forever, doesn't it?

    It's amazing all the things you took for granted before becoming a mom. Like how you used to be able to walk into the bathroom, close the door, and do your business without anyone interrupting you. As the parent of two school-age kids, I promise you'll eventually get that back (except for being peppered with questions through the door: "MOMMMM? WHERE'S MY SHOES?") -- but in the meantime, enjoy this roundup of why all moms have to put in their time in the Can't Pee Alone Zone.

    Image via ohhlivias12322/Instagram

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    Every year, on the second Sunday of May, we celebrate Mother's Day. Armed with bouquets of flowers, breakfasts in bed, and homemade cutesy cards, we acknowledge the women who have birthed and raised us (seriously mom, thank you!). But the day is so much more than just celebrating our mothers. And don't get me wrong, that's not in a bad way, because it is an amazing and beyond worthy observance.

    It's also about recognizing all the women in our lives who fill motherly roles. But how do you recognize them without overshadowing your own mom? Say, how do you celebrate your step-mother, who has clearly taken on a major role in your family, but isn't your birth mother? Granted, Step-Mother's Day is the Sunday after Mother's Day, but recognizing a mother-figure on actual Mother's Day can still hold so much significance.

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    What's the best kind of card to get on Mother's Day? I think most of us would agree it's the hand-crayoned variety that we cherish the most, particularly if it includes an awesome misspelling. (I got "WROLD'S BEST MOM" once and it remains my favorite to this day.)

    Still, there are times when the printed or e-card variety is more practical, and for those purposes, I've sifting through HUNDREDS of crappy, sappy, cheesy, and flat-out lamesauce Mother's Day cards to find the very best. "Best" meaning "snarkiest," of course. On this Mother's Day, send something that says you care ... about possibly-inappropriate humor.

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    The other day I was watching one of those commercials for some medication, where a bee or a butterfly or a ladybug tells me how to get more sleep or be less depressed -- and after the obligatory listing of what said drug may cause, I realized I already have most of those side effects, simply from being a parent. 

    Which is why I’m suggesting kids come with a warning label ... you know, so there are no surprises? Maybe we could redesign those generic hospital blankies into big soft yellow swaddlers with a list on the back in bold black writing and send new parents home with one. 

    I think it should say something like this:  

    Warning, Children May Cause ... 

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    Long gone are her days of downing shots and partying until the wee hours of the morning. Nowadays, Jenni "JWOWW" Farley rings in her birthday with pounds of cake and her favorite pregnancy craving... pizza!

    In honor of her 28th birthday, the former Jersey Shore party girl, and current star of Snooki & JWOWW partied with her fiance, Roger Matthews, and crew at the Drunken Monkey (owned by Mob Wives' Big Ang) on Staten Island Friday night. The Stir was there to celebrate with her and to get a little insight about how pregnancy is changing her ways. 

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    Tongues are clucking that Jennifer Aniston spent her 45th birthday yesterday sans fiance Justin Theroux, but come on, people. It was a Tuesday, and he was in NYC filming his new HBO series The Leftovers. Also, Jen had her own plate pretty full, as she spent her birthday eve with author and activist Gloria Steinem at The Makers Conference in Ranchos Palos Verdes, California.

    And it looks like all this hysteria and hoopla over the actress celebrating her big day like a single lady is especially ironic, given what she said to Gloria about her current relationship/parental status ...

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    Every time the topic of eating a baby's placenta comes up, someone always says it: Almost every mammal in the animal kingdom eats its placenta raw right after giving birth. Making placenta pills certainly sounds more palatable than eating it raw, and the idea is definitely catching on in the U.S. But it does make us wonder -- what do other people around the world do with their babies' placenta?

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    Imagine discovering that your child is not your own -- and in fact is the child of a criminal. That's what happened to a family in Utah who took DNA tests to trace their geneaology for fun. They were shocked to discover that their 21-year-old daughter wasn't the biological offspring of the husband. Reportedly, she was fathered by a man named Thomas Lippert, who had once been arrested for kidnapping. The parents had used artificial insemination to conceive and had always assumed the sperm was provided by the husband. But not so. Now the family is speaking out.

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