Photo by curveymama
At about 16 weeks, some choose to find out the gender of their baby. I remember the day -- I was getting a 3-D ultrasound and my husband was next to me. The sonographer asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our twins.
Yes!
We were holding hands and she went to Baby A first who was not cooperating. So onto Baby B. It's a boy!
I looked at my husband and knew how overjoyed he was. Could I be so lucky as to have boy/girl twins? Would Baby A cooperate? Yes, she did. Yes, a girl!
I know my husband and his dad were really hoping one of the babies would be a boy to carry on the family name. I'm excited just to be pregnant, but when I found out it was twins I hoped for a girl so I could dress her up in cute outfits.
There are a lot of people who experience gender disappointment. And often they just don't talk about it.
After reading the comments on this discussion about gender disappointment, moms have varied thoughts.
Some wished for one sex, but got the other, yet were just happy the baby was healthy. Others have experienced disappointment when finding out the sex wasn't what they had hoped for.
There's even a new group called Dealing With Gender Disappointment here on CafeMom.
Is it acceptable to talk about gender disappointment? Did you experience any sadness upon learning the sex of your baby?
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Comments 18
NOT talking about gender disappointment only hurts people who experience it. Lots of people, especially those who have suffered loss, think that those who suffer from gender disappointment are just "ungrateful" but what they don't understand is what it's like to be the OTHER person.
People who want a specific gender often WISH that they didn't care - that they could say they'd be happy either way. OF COURSE you're going to love whatever gender you get, but sometimes it's just HARD. Talking to some moms who have wanted specific genders, you'll hear statements like, "I put on a smile and say I'm happy to have a boy, but I have to mourn the daughter I'll never have anywhere but in my head and heart."
It's not something people choose. WHy would someone CHOOSE to be in pain and agony over something like the gender of their kids? I'm glad that more magazines and articles are talking about it, finally, so that those who have experienced it don't feel so horrible, like so many other people make them out to be.
I agree with Rana, if there wasn't a stigma about gender disappointment it would be easier for those who experience it to deal with it. I will admit I went through gender disappointment twice. When I was pregnant with my twins I really wanted 2 boys, and got a boy and a girl. Although I wanted a girl, I didn't want her right away. Eventually I got over and became excited to have my little girl and my little boy. Then we got pregnant again and I was really hoping it was another boy. I was actually relieved when we were not able to tell what it was at the 20 week ultrasound. I started to think it was a girl and I really didn't want anyone else to know how disappointed I was about it. I refused to buy anything for the baby because I couldn't accept the fact that she was indeed a girl. I actually cried when I found out that she was a girl, not only because she was a girl, but because I was not excited for her being a girl. I felt like such a failure as a mother and was horribly embarrassed that I felt this way. Although when she was born, and since she's been born I love her more than anything, and can't imagine life without her. Going through gender disappointment was so hard to go through.
Well I have to be honest to myself. When I found out I was having a DD her father and I were disappointed NOT TO HAVE HER but the fact that we were wishing for a boy. But after that all we care is that she was healthy and you know something when she was born all that gender thing didn't matter any more. We were happy to be her parents and very proud. Now the time has pass and I know why things happens this way. She is 8 years old and I LOVE to do things with her, going to the salon, doing our nails, shop together. He father and I are now divorceand we both remarried but she is still daddy's little princess. I had a boy with my hubby and my DD enjoy all the experience of expecting and bringing a new life into the world and I hope it helps her when she have her own someday. I learn that GOD have a plan and everything happens for a reason. I dont consider myself selfish or a bad person to wish for something or to have feelings I couldn't help it I saw my life in a way but it turn other. I respect all those had a loss but it wasnt like I dint want my kid. It was a gender issue.
Well, i chose not to know the sex before birth. I wanted a boy. Then my mom started w/ the, "don't worry honey, it'll be a boy." But I had the feeling she was a girl & was afraid people/I would be disappointed. When I was in delivery- I chose to go drug free- I remember thinking "it'd better be a boy, cause I don't wanna do this again!" (previous to labor, I wanted 2 , I was just dealing w/ some pain at the moment) Sure enough, A GIRL. My first words were, "I was right!" I think I said that to mask what I was really thinking--I'm gonna have to have another now. On one hand, i was a little disappointed, on the other, I was so excited that we had accomplished natural birth. But I really did want a boy. On top of that, she was very fussy her first few wks cause she was allergic to dairy, so i thought I had made an unhappy baby. It didn't take long though, to fall in love w/ her. Now I say, "why did I ever want a boy? Girls are so fun!" I'm actually almost hoping for another girl next time around! I've realized that the higher purpose for having a girl 1st was so i would learn the lesson, that I would love whatever child I had, & also, if I had a boy 1st, I may have decided not to have anymore kids & would've never known the love for a daughter!
And ya know, while I understand the feeling of gender disappointment, i think it is important to learn to let it go, because the child had no more control over that than we did. I don't believe that feeling a little disappointment is wrong, but holding on to it and treating a child like you are disappointed with them is.
Not for a second. I wanted a boy and I got a boy.
My younger sister is pregnant now and keeps saying how much they wanted a boy and they are having a girl, i think she is disappointed especially since I had a little boy
With my last, I wanted a girl, but wasn't disappointed when I found out he was a boy.
I don't believe that feeling a little disappointment is wrong, but holding on to it and treating a child like you are disappointed with them is. earthmama727
Definitely.
Never had it. I got lucky. I didn't really care what my first two were, they both ended up being boys. I really wanted a girl for my third, and I got her! But I know that I would have been a little disappointed if she had been another boy. But I'm pretty sure I would have gotten over it quickly. I just would've had to have another baby ;) Which we're planning on doing eventually anyways.