How Did You Move on After a Miscarriage?

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miscarriage how to grieve and move on

 

 

 

 

 

I wrote a post not long ago on what to say when a friend miscarries, based on input from CafeMoms. And I read a Motherlode post this week on grieving a miscarriage that echoed some of the same sentiments moms expressed -- like, why can't people stop saying "you can try again"?

The post on grieving after a miscarriage actually came out of another, earlier, Motherlode post on the guilt of secondary infertility and what lengths women will sometimes go to (surprising even themselves) to conceive a baby.

The blogger mentioned in the secondary infertility post -- Kelcey Kintner of The Mama Bird Diaries -- has two children and wants a third. She suffered miscarriages in the process of trying, and says of the experience:

"Two miscarriages nearly crushed me. There was so much possibility in those two perfect lines on the pregnancy stick and then so suddenly and so cruelly, it was all taken away. My girls never even knew I was pregnant. But I did. And my husband did. And both times the loss felt devastating."

Grieving the loss of a baby is such a personal and difficult thing. Cafe Cynthia wrote about moms naming a miscarried baby -- for some, this is a way to grieve, honor the loss, and move on. Then of course comes the question of if and when to try again.

To share and connect with other CafeMoms who have been through the experience, consider joining the groups:

Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss Support

Pregnancy After Miscarriage or Loss

If you've experienced miscarriage, how did you grieve the loss, and what helped you move on?

 

 

emotions, miscarriage & loss

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MRSHE... MRSHEATHERSMAMA

I didn't miscarry but lost my son when he was 1 day old, I carried him full term...


 


  I spent my time with my daughter who then was 18 months old... I talked about it a lot, cried when I felt like it but tried to do the normal daily things.


 


 Jamie

sumbeach sumbeach

When I lost my daughter, no one said anything to me not even my husband. I got so depressed, I didn't even know I was. I feel into a world of hell and torment.I wish on no one. All I needed was just a dang hug. and some human kindness. So spread that thought along, it does wonders.

lienna lienna

i was always told and this kinda makes sense to bury the things that you had bought for that child maybe that will help the greiving process.

eeyor... eeyoreplus4

I had a miscarriage between my oldest son & daughter. Every year for almost 12 years, on the date of the miscarraige & on her due date, I would just cry. I never got to hold her & tell her how much I loved her. When my dad passed away in 2005, I finally had peace. It sounds weird, but when he died I knew that he would be with her to take care of her now & I could stop worrying. Now on the anniversary of my miscarriage & my dad's death, I just muse about what kind of michief they are getting into up there :)

Tina1007 Tina1007

We lost our first baby at 12 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage, no symptoms or anything. At our 12 week appt. we didnt find the heartbeat. It was devastating. Its been almost a year since we lost our daughter, and I am 9 weeks pregnant. We are getting close the the time of when we lost our first one, and are praying this was stays with us. Its been a incredibly painful year, but God has done some amazing things in our lifes, and this baby will be our little miracle :)

justa... justanotherjen

I just had a miscarriage last weekend (early Saturday morning to be exact) at 12 weeks.  I guess I haven't really thought much on it.  I've been trying to rest but otherwise life has gone on as normal around here.


I suppose the difference is that I wasn't trying to get pregnant and was kind of devestated to find out I was having another baby.  Not to say I wasn't upset to miscarry.  I had just gotten used to the idea of another baby (would have been our 5th) and then started spotting. 


Maybe I need more time or to actually let myself think about the loss.  Right now I just don't dwell on it.  Obviously it wasn't meant to be and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  I guess I'm still in shock.  I never thought I would be one of the miscarriage statistics after having 4 uneventful pregnancies.

RAGUm... RAGUmomof2

the ONLY thing that helped me was time. my ex husband told me [verbatum] "get the fck over it" we ended up divorcing over the matter mostly because he told me it was an oops the first time and it would never happen again, meaning he never wanted kids with me. just when i started to get over it and move on with my life without a child, without a marriage i ended up pregnant with my son. but so many people said so many things that were so mean and hurtful and yea they may not have meant it that way but i would have just rather them keep their mouths shut and have the support of my husband.

Mered... Merediths_Mommy

i jst miscarried like a week ago and I feel horrible. I have dreams where I am still pregnant and its rough because I feel like I have failed as a woman. I try to think positive since I have 2 little ones already but its hard to move past it right now.

mom2q... mom2queenie2004

I lost my first born in 1993. I heard the You can try again  line many times. Wow, what do you say when that person tries and tries and tries and has 7 miscarriages? Well that was me. I still don't know how I got through it all. I just knew I was supposed to be a mom. The last miscarriage almost killed me and DH and I decided we were going to go another way with our life. When I went to the DR to figure out my birth contol options I was pregnant again. 9 months later I had my healthy wonderful and beautiful little girl. 2 years after that we had another.


I don't know how I got through it. Passion for wanting to be a mom maybe? Burrying a baby and having 7 miscarriages in 10 years....maybe I was just too numb? Whatever it was, I am glad I did it. The two little ones that I have now....I would do anything for them.

nki_m... nki_mooney

It took a long time to get over my mc in 2007. I was 3.5 months along and started spotting. When I called the Dr. they didn't seem worried let alone cared. They told me over the phone that I was "probably having a miscarriage." That was it. They told me to make an appt in three weeks!! A friend took me to the ER anyways. It was confirmed I was mc'ing. Two days later I went through horrible contractions and lost a lot of blood at home. This went on for hours. My husband was not supportive at all. He sat in the room and watched TV. I finally told him to leave. I laid in bed screaming through the pain. That night it went away and I thought it was over....but it wasn't. As I was in bed the next afternoon it all started again...this time I "passed" something I NEVER want to see again....my baby. Seeing him/her was the harder than the physical part of it all. After finding a NEW DR that cared what I was going through it got easier. I was really hurt that my husband was not emotionally supportive. I dont' even know that I got a hug out of the whole thing. In fact, I remember the night I was at the ER, he was out at Applebees with his Dad having dinner after golf. He called to see how it was going and then asked me to meet him at Applebees when I left the ER. I felt so empty and alone. Nov 7th of 2007....I got that beautiful two lines again!! My daughter is now 9.5mo old and is amazing!

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