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Did You Do IVF? Will You Tell Your Baby?

by Suzanne Murray on March 16, 2009 at 11:59 AM

will you tell your baby you used an egg donorCafe Suzanne visiting the Pregnancy Buzz today ...

Did you use fertility treatments—IUI, IVF, a sperm donor, an egg donor—to get pregnant? Have you told people about it—friends, family, co-workers? Deciding whether to tell the world (or even just one close friend) is a very personal choice, and some people are much more open about it than others.

I was going to try IVF, but the doctor wouldn't take me as a patient because of my age (I was 37). He told me I'd never have a baby without an egg donor, which wasn't something I wanted to pursue. Fortunately for me, he was wrong and I have a lovely daughter. So I never really had to decide if I'd tell people I did IVF or not.

One of my old co-workers did use an egg donor and she's not at all shy about broadcasting it to the world. Yet she had no intention of telling her daughter that she was conceived this way. But then she changed her mind. This woman had breast cancer at an early age, and both her mother and grandmother had it as well. She didn't want her daughter to grow up fearing the day she'd likely be diagnosed with the disease.

As far as health history goes, IVF is different, since your baby shares your genes. But it is a relatively new procedure and scientists are still researching the long-term (and short-term) affects of IVF on babies.

Of course, there's still plenty of time to make the decision of whether or not you'll tell your child that he or she is an "IVF baby," but is it something you've thought about yet? If anything, it would surely show your kid how much he was wanted.

Will you tell your child that you used fertility treatments to conceive him or her? Why or why not?


Filed Under: infertility, trying to conceive

Comments

9
  • marri...
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    married-in-06

    March 16, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    im not sure if i would or notconfused


  • zacha...
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    zacharymother

    March 16, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    what u talking about


  • Cafe...
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    Cafe MicheleZ

    March 16, 2009 at 12:40 PM

    I would tell the child when he or she got older. I think it is very special to know that his or her mom went to great lengths to bring him or her into this world.


  • RanaA...
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    RanaAurora

    March 16, 2009 at 3:55 PM

    I fortunately have never needed to use IVF.
    If we had, it'd be discussed at some point in the child's life, for sure.  When depends on specifically what the situation was as well.  Using Mommy's eggs and Daddy's sperm is a much easier conversation than letting them know you had to use an egg donor or donor sperm.


  • Amand...
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    AmandaIVF

    March 16, 2009 at 4:27 PM

    Why not?? Its not something to be ashamed of. I definitely plan on telling my children that they were conceived through IVF...it will show them how much my husband and I truly wanted them.


  • halfp...
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    halfpint_ny

    March 16, 2009 at 8:45 PM

    My twin sons are already starting to learn their story about being conceived by ICSI with donor sperm.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  Before even getting pregnant, I made it a non-issue by being open with those around me.  It's amazing the amount of support came out by simply talking.  There is so much love around the boys, that it is easy to share the story.  No shame, guilt, or regrets to their origins.  It's amazing that we live in a day where it is possible.  They are awesome kids!  They are even learning about their half siblings out there conceived using the same donor. 


  • Freela
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    Freela

    March 16, 2009 at 9:20 PM

    I was lucky enough to conceive without IVF, but we were ttc for a long time with our oldest (over a year of ttc, and I had one m/c during that time as well.)  With my middle child I had a difficult pregnancy and for awhile I did not know if she would make it.  My third was a huge (but welcome) surprise.  I can't imagine not sharing these stories with them as they grow up... in fact, in their baby boxes I have a typed document for each that tells them about when I found out I was pg, what the pregnancy was like, and a detailed birth story.  I feel like this is a piece of their history that no one but me can give them, and I've written it down on the off chance that something happens to me when they are young and I haven't been able to tell them yet.


  • Fragi...
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    Fragile_Girl

    March 17, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    My first child was conceived without IVF, but the baby I am currently pregnant with was conceived using a sperm donor. Being lesbian I didn't have a lot of options of how my girlfriend and I were going to get pregnant and 'being' with a man was not an option we wanted to pursue. We asked a very good friend of ours if he would be willing to donate sperm and he said yes.

    At this point I don't know if we will tell the baby (when older) or not. We will just see how it goes and go from there. We are not oposed to telling the child and the friend we had be the donor is not oposed to meeting the child and them knowing he was the donor at some point when the child is old enough.

    So I guess we will just see how it goes.


  • gr8girrl
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    gr8girrl

    April 21, 2010 at 1:10 PM
    I will probably tell my child one day when I can actually explain how being conceived by a chinese guy with a long needle in a lab was a good thing. LOL
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