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This is Cafe Cynthia, stopping by to chat in Pregnancy Buzz today.
It's hard to think about it, but miscarriage is a very real and very sad part of some pregnancies. Every mom finds her own way to deal with the loss -- and one of them is naming the deceased baby.
I was fortunate enough not to have experienced this, but I still felt a dagger through my heart talking to some moms in The CafeMom Newcomer's Club who've been sharing names of children they had miscarried.
Joseph Moses
David Johnson
Ria Ann ...
Why some moms decided to name their babies:
-- "I miscarried five children, and named each one. It helped us realize we have our angels in Heaven, looking out over us, and whom we are looking forward to meeting in Heaven one day."
-- -- "I named one of them only because we knew the gender and we desperately wanted him."
-- It does make it easier having names for them. Some people probably don't understand and that is okay. But my two miscarriages are two of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, and am still going through."
-- "A lot of people told me not to, but I named her Faith Victoria. It wasn't for anyone's approval, or anyone else's benefit. It was for me, a greiving momma, who wasn't about to dismiss my child because she was needed in Heaven."
And why other moms chose not to:
-- "Emotionally, I was too heartbroken to even think about anything, I don't know how to explain it. I felt like if I named him, it would make it too real and I didn't want it to be."
-- "I have lost three and have had names picked out for each one before I lost them. But I don't call the lost baby by a name ... I just can't go there."
++Do you know someone who named their miscarried child? Has it helped them or made the greiving process harder?
Comments (24)
We named our miscarried baby "kelly" we weren't sure of the sex it was soo early.
But it gave us closer, and we got pregnant again 1 month after my D&C.
With our first daughter Emily
I had a miscarriage between Wendy and Katie. We never knew the gender but it felt like a boy and I'm always right because I seem to know, so I used the boy name we'd picked out. John Christopher. The girl name was Katharine Suzanne who I had 13 months after my miscarriage. I have a baby book in my keepsakes w/John Christopher on it and it's briefly written in. I've never really told anyone about that. Most people don't want to know such details.
I think, based on my own experience with two miscarriages, that the significance of the miscarriage changes based on what happens around it. I mean, in my case I had a child before the two miscarriages and then I did wind up having my second child after. So, once I moved on and had the baby I had been wanting, I didn't feel any need to dwell on the miscarriages. I don't feel much of anything when I think about them now, but at the time they were very significant to me. I also think it varies based on how far along the pregnancy is. As with all things in life, my advice to anyone would be to keep an open mind about truly moving on....If naming the baby helps you get through that time, then do it.
"A lot of people told me not to, but I named her Faith Victoria. It wasn't for anyone's approval, or anyone else's benefit. It was for me, a greiving momma, who wasn't about to dismiss my child because she was needed in Heaven."
I wish It would let me add the beautiful graphic a friend made me after she passed.
Here's a small version of it.
This is to all the mommas who have endured the loss of a precious baby.
My first child was full-term stillborn, We named her Amber Dawn. We have pictures of her, had a memorial service, and she was laid to rest in the family cemetary.
After her we had 5 miscarriages before we had our son. I didn't name any of them but I grieved for every one I lost. When we finally had DS we named him Chance, because after everything else we had decided this was the last time we were trying for a baby. He was our last "chance" baby.
I lost my first baby --i didn't name him/her, because i didn't know the sex and i just wasn't ready to go there. -- I was only six weeks when i lost that baby, but i still think about it all the time and everytime i hear of a mom thats due in Sept, my heart skips a beat (thats when i was due) -- Every Christmas i remember thats when i found out i was preg. and new years is when i miscarried. -- I still cry when i think about it, even though i have a 2 year old and another on the way-- nothing takes the pain away from losing that baby.
I WENT INTO PREMATURE LABOR IN OCTOBER 2004. MY DAUGHTER LIVED FOR 2 SHORT HOURS AND I DID GIVE HER A NAME. THIS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM A MISCARRIAGE, BUT I STILL FEEL AS THOUGH NAMING HER GAVE HER A PLACE IN OUR FAMILY AND HELPED ME HEAL DURING THE GRIEVING PROCESS. I NAMED HER AFTER MY MOM AND MY MOM HAS PICTURES OF BABY TONYA NEXT TO PICTURES OF HER OTHER GRANDCHILDREN. I KEEP PICTURES OF HER AS WELL. WE TALK ABOUT TONYA ALL THE TIME BECAUSE SHE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MY FIRST BORN. I WILL TELL MY FUTURE CHILDREN ABOUT THEIR OLDER SISTER. IT'S TOTALLY HEALTHY AND SOOOO HELPFUL IN THE HEALING PROCESS. YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS AS WELL AS FLESH, AND THAT BABY IS IN HEAVEN, GROWING UP AND WAITING TO MEET YOU. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY LITTLE GIRL.
I miscarrried one and also had still -born twins. It was too early to know the sex of the first but I felt she was a girl so i named her Kayla Marie and we had names pick for our twins before we lost them.
Kayla Marie - Nov 5, 1999
Madison Stephanie & Olivia Grace - Feb 28, 2006