Should We Be Judging Nadya Suleman?


I posted last week on IVF and who, if anyone, is at fault in the Nadya Suleman controversy. The doctor I spoke to said she thought the system had failed in the octo birth -- that the goal was too often a positive pregnancy test rather than focusing on a low-risk, healthy pregnancy. Never mind the issue of whether or not the parent in question can afford to take care of her 14 children. Cafe Kristen reported yesterday that Suleman told Dr. Phil Kaiser Permanente Medical Center may not let her take her babies home until she proves she can care for them.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about this bizarre, highly public case -- and momversation recently posted asking moms if we should be judging Nadya Suleman.

All of the women in the conversation were in agreement that it sure is hard not to judge -- 14 babies, what are you thinking, lady?! -- but where and how do we draw the lines around the ethics of multiple births?

Heather Armstrong of Dooce said it was a "dangerous road to go down when you start judging mothers and their families." And Karen Walrond of said in the end, the "decision to be a parent is an intensely personal thing."

Of course the debate goes beyond Suleman -- it's about reproductive freedom and thoughts around what it means for other families who choose to pursue IVF.

What do you think? Is there a "right" or a "wrong" when it comes to how many babies a woman should have? Do we have a right to judge Nadya Suleman? Check out the video and let me hear your thoughts.

in the news, twins & multiples


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Briyawna Briyawna

IMO we should be judging ANYONE that is GOD's job!!!

ieatf... ieatfortwo

i don't know. im torn. i do believe she should show that she can care for them before they come home though -- not judging, but 14 children is alot for 1 mom to take care of with no real income other than the disability money.

milmi... milmiracle

Judges have to sleep at night just like everyone else. 

MiaHy... MiaHysteria

No.  I don't think we should be.  She obviously didn't PLAN to have 14 children.  It sounds like the plan was to have 1 maybe 2 more out of all the embryos she had implanted.  First.  Secondly, she at least loves her children and wants to do the best things for them...she's not abusing them and they obviously love her.  There are a ton more people out there in the world doing far worse things that she is.  She and her children deserve help to stay together, especially since we've all gone ahead as a society and ridiculed her. 

simpl... simplyjaneen

Well, I guess the question is where is the line to be drawn? At some point, the line between the rights of the mother and the rights of the child must be crossed. So far, that right doesn't extend all the way to conception so now, we have to look at it once the child is born. The child DOES have rights including the right to have proper care. Can the mom REALLY take care of all of these children? That is the question that needs to be asked. And if the answer is that she cannot, then something has to be done so that the children can be taken care of. It's not judging, it's not being harsh. This mom needs to take responsibility for the decisions she made regarding how many children she can reasonable have and take care of. Kind of a moot point to have so many kids if they are taken away because she really can't take care of them. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time. That's why there are SO many kids in foster homes. Many parents, because women do have reproductive rights, have children they just cannot take care of. But those reproductive rights CANNOT extend so far that the child's rights are then ignored.

Vivian63 Vivian63

call it what you want my daughter and son-in law want another baby my grandson is already five.  After being rejected for wic because he was too healthy, and watching illegals filling up the health dept getting all they want, I was p'od. So they are just waiting till they get at a place where they feel they are able to afford another child and a bigger home.  So yes i feel this person is irresponsible and very selfish.

momto... momtocarlos

I dont judge ANYONE, I treat people like how I want to be treated.  Everyone has the right to live their lives how they wanted to and NO ONE has the right to judge them

RanaA... RanaAurora

LMAO.  Everyone judges EVERYONE.  When you take your kid to the store, anyone who stops to talk to her, you make an AUTOMATIC judgement on whether or not they're safe, crazy, a danger, etc.  To say you don't judge anyone is a bullfaced lie. :)
Now, maybe you refuse to CONDEMN someone, but everyone judges everyone else.

ANyway, she put herself out there, asking for celebrities to give her money, give her a TV show, etc.  What the hell does she think was going to happen?  Of course she's going to be judged, and rightly.  She's tried to "defend" herself, and all it's done is just confirm what so many people have thought, which is that it's very unfortunate that the poor infants had to be born to such a selfish person who hasn't the mental capacities nor resources to care for them.


Nope, it's wrong.  We don't know her personally, don't know all her struggles, etc.  I like the old Indian saying "Grant that I may not criticize my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasins".

Momma... Momma2MyMonkeys

I am sorry, but if she can't afford to feed the children she has... she DOES get food stamps... then she should not be having more children! PERIOD. She doesn't even have a place of her own to live in. Yes, she appears to truely love her children, but the tax payers will have to pay for them. She was being selfish. NOW, I have a couple questions that I have not seen asked... first, where did she come up with the money to pay for the IVF?? It is my understanding that it is a very expensive procedure. Second... disability for back pain... but she could carry 8 babies around in her belly!!! WHAT! It is hard to carry ONE baby around... I can't imagine someone who is in so much pain that they can't work could carry 8 babies in her womb. ~continued~

1-10 of 34 comments 1234 Last