Should We Be Judging Nadya Suleman?

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I posted last week on IVF and who, if anyone, is at fault in the Nadya Suleman controversy. The doctor I spoke to said she thought the system had failed in the octo birth -- that the goal was too often a positive pregnancy test rather than focusing on a low-risk, healthy pregnancy. Never mind the issue of whether or not the parent in question can afford to take care of her 14 children. Cafe Kristen reported yesterday that Suleman told Dr. Phil Kaiser Permanente Medical Center may not let her take her babies home until she proves she can care for them.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about this bizarre, highly public case -- and momversation recently posted asking moms if we should be judging Nadya Suleman.

All of the women in the conversation were in agreement that it sure is hard not to judge -- 14 babies, what are you thinking, lady?! -- but where and how do we draw the lines around the ethics of multiple births?

Heather Armstrong of Dooce said it was a "dangerous road to go down when you start judging mothers and their families." And Karen Walrond of chookooloonks.com said in the end, the "decision to be a parent is an intensely personal thing."

Of course the debate goes beyond Suleman -- it's about reproductive freedom and thoughts around what it means for other families who choose to pursue IVF.

What do you think? Is there a "right" or a "wrong" when it comes to how many babies a woman should have? Do we have a right to judge Nadya Suleman? Check out the video and let me hear your thoughts.


in the news, twins & multiples

34 Comments

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nonmember avatar auburngal

My husband and I postponed having children until we were done with school. We qualified for food stamps but were too proud to take them. As a result, I had 2 children instead of the 3 I really wanted.
Judge her? You bet. She asks for money in very public ways, slams other parents in her interview with Ann Curry (calls them "selfish"); you bet I'm going to judge.

Steff107 Steff107

I'm sorry but it's not fair to brodcast something like that all over and not expect human beings to have personal feelings about it!  It doesn't mean they are judging. I think some people get the two mixed up.  It's okay to have an opinion, it's part of who you are.

tiffa... tiffanyp1980

I'm not trying to judge anyone! I have 3 kids. I have to have food stamps because I can't afford to feed them all, my husband works. I just found out his cousin is pregnant with her 2nd. Neither she, or her husband works. They get food stamps. They have 6 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment. I think that they were in the wrong for trying for another baby when they can't even afford their kid they have now. My last baby was a big surprise. I did the responsible thing and got my tubes tied. She ALREADY had 6 kids. Did she really NEED 1, or 2 more? NO. She's a single mom who is abusing the system and it's really sad. Both my last 2 were premature, which is why I now stay home to care for them. How much is child care alone going to cost her??? I have a degree and I certainly cannot go out and get a job that is going to pay ENOUGH for my family to be completely need free anytime soon. Have you seen our local economy and job market?

.Beth. .Beth.

All I know..is that the doctor shouldn't be blamed at all. Because he was just doing his Job. End of story. He specializes in IVF..its how he makes his living..its his profession. Nadya is the only person to blame for what she has done to herself,she knew very well that she might conceive multiples..she WAS warned..but she didn't care. She shouldn't get help, and she definitely shouldn't be aloud to have those poor babies when her 6 other children aren't even properly took care of. Its a basic case of 'she made her bed, now she has to lie in it.'

mommy... mommyheymommy

I think we all need to leave the woman alone and stop being so darn hateful.

nonmember avatar Danny

Leave the woman alone and stop being so hateful? Are you kidding me?? I didnt see any hateful text in what I just read. And normally I wouldnt be on this website. I am not married, I have no children. I work hard and pay my bills as any responsible adult does. I can't help but to think its so foolish that some of you people are ok with what has happened here. To all the members of this debate that work...whether its full time or part time...every month when you see how much money you made originally and then see how much is taken out....you can thank someone like her or directly her. This is ridiculous that a woman has that many kids, no job, no income and its supposed to be ok?? And to not blame the doctor is even more BS. Last i checked there was quite a bit of paperwork and red tape to go through for the process. That means someone "smarter and you or I" said, sure lets give the option of having a couple more kids. That is ridiculous. But hey, whats done is done and as one person said....."she made her bed now she can lie in it"..I only feel sorry for the children...and am sure they have more luxuries in their house than I do. And yes i have a degree and i work but i am not selfish and i understand that today is a low point in our society...so i am not as selfish as she is......

NotVe... NotVeryClever

She already had 6 children. She should have been turned down for IVF treatment. Whatever doctor agreed to do the treatment was definitely negligent. And where did she get the money to afford IVF treatment? I judge her doctors more than her. No doctor should implant 8 embryos in a woman nor should this particular woman even have qualified for IVF treatment. The doctor she had clearly would have done anything for money.

mrssu... mrssundin

LMAO.  Everyone judges EVERYONE.  When you take your kid to the store, anyone who stops to talk to her, you make an AUTOMATIC judgement on whether or not they're safe, crazy, a danger, etc.  To say you don't judge anyone is a bullfaced lie. :)
Now, maybe you refuse to CONDEMN someone, but everyone judges everyone else.


ANyway, she put herself out there, asking for celebrities to give her money, give her a TV show, etc.  What the hell does she think was going to happen?  Of course she's going to be judged, and rightly.  She's tried to "defend" herself, and all it's done is just confirm what so many people have thought, which is that it's very unfortunate that the poor infants had to be born to such a selfish person who hasn't the mental capacities nor resources to care for them.


this is so right on, we all judge and to say we dont is telling a lie.

nonmember avatar Rachelle Bird


I think OctoMum (mom) is doing a great job. I wish everyone would get of her case. Who gives any one the right to look down there nose at her. She does not have to ask any ones permission to live her life. Take a look at this link someone sent me.


Very Sobering Video, Demographic Problem, Whats The Answer?
www.youtube.com
Check the figures on the net, I think you will be quite shocked

debbym debbym

Some more nosy people? The only one I agree with is MiaHysteria, the rest of you are nasty and while entitled to your opinions you have no right to decide how she lives her life that is her business and not yours.To the person who asked where she got the money for IVF that is not your concern and neither is the foodstamps.There are many people out there who criticize everyone else but they don't look in the mirror. The kid's are already here, she is their mom, that is the bottom line.

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