Parenting

MIL Becomes Downright Giddy After Finding Out Mom Miscarried Following a Car Accident

ParentingPublished Aug 3, 2020
By Genny Glassman
Woman cryingiStock

This post contains information about miscarriage which may be triggering to some.

You would think that surviving a car crash would be enough trauma for a lifetime, but unfortunately for one woman on Reddit, that was just the beginning. She was pregnant at the time and the accident caused her to lose her 11-week pregnancy. Her family should have been the first place she turned to for love and support, but her mother-in-law made it clear that she was actually happy that the baby didn't survive. "She is completely insensitive to how myself and significant other are feeling," the mom wrote.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
Before the accident, the couple made the decision not to tell their families the pregnancy news "until we had past the danger period."-placeholder
Before the accident, the couple made the decision not to tell their families the pregnancy news "until we had past the danger period."
Reddit

Before the accident, the couple made the decision not to tell their families the pregnancy news "until we had past the danger period."

But unfortunately, danger still found them.

"Some idiot who jumped the red light," she wrote in her post on Reddit. "Car was totaled and rolled." 

She and her significant other (SO) were lucky to survive the crash. "SO was a bit scratched up and I'm very bruised," she continued. "But sadly doctors said the trauma to my body was just too much for the baby."

Admittedly, her pregnancy had been a struggle "these last two to three weeks" leading up to the accident -- "and I think my body just couldn't do it."

What's worse, they had planned to finally share their happy news with their loved ones just days after the crash.

"At first I was grateful to have not told them," she explained. But in the depths of their grief, her husband turned to his mom for support -- which was a big mistake.

"First offense was her glee in the face of our pain," the grieving mom wrote. "She didn't give condolences or anything. She said it's for the best because we aren't ready to be parents anyways. That felt like a massive slap."

Then the MIL took things to social media.

Like many overzealous mother-in-laws before her, her MIL for some reason thought her friends on Facebook needed to know all of the family's business.

She wrote "about the loss of her dear would have been grandchild," the woman wrote. "It made me sick to see."

Now all of their family is "bombarding" them with questions.

That's the one thing she really didn't want. She and her husband had agreed that if anything happened to their pregnancy, "we would deal and mourn as a closed team. No family needed to know of our loss," she continued.

This situation has left her feeling "defeated."

She asked her MIL to take the post down, which she did, but it was still so, so painful.

"I've cried the last three days and probably will for the next few. But I don't know how to react at the moment," she wrote. And her MIL just made everything so much worse.

"She is glad we lost the baby but pretends to be so shattered on Facebook in front of the family," she wrote, which is more salt in the wound.

So now the mom has turned to the internet for some help.

Would it be so wrong for her to unleash on her MIL?

"I want to lose it and take all the emotions I'm feeling and hurl them at her. Tear into her and leave her wishing she was sorry," she explained. "But I don't know how healthy that will be for SO and I right now. I feel like I've been punched and I can't find a way to control my emotions and my MIL."

People in the comments were horrified on the mom's behalf.

"I am so sorry for your loss, it is going to take time to heal. What happened wasn't your fault," one commenter wrote. "I know how much of a shock letting the pregnancy pass can be even if you're expecting it. You will need time to physically and mentally recover from the trauma you've experienced. You need to allow yourself the space and time to grieve."
Someone else had a suggestion for dealing with relatives and wrote this:

"What a traumatic way to lose a precious LO. (There is no good way. Some ways are just more traumatic). I wish you grace and peace as you mourn and heal. If you are up for it, draft a form letter to respond to all nosy/well-wishing people who find out from MIL. She will absolutely be sharing the news with everyone in real life and online for the sympathy points."

"I would cut her off," a third commenter chimed in. "If someone tells you someone passes away and you smile what kinda monster is she!"

Later in the thread, the OP shared that her husband feels awful for the mess he made.

"SO realized he was an idiot as soon as he saw how upset the entire situation made me," she explained. "He has been left to tend to messages and contact made by family. He will explain since he let the news get out."

What happened to the OP is infuriating, but it looks like her husband is willing to stand by her side, which is all that counts.

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