Parenting

Woman Wonders if It's 'Selfish' To Be a '1 & Done' Mom

ParentingPublished Aug 3, 2020
By Maressa Brown
mom with babygpointstudio/iStock

Whether you have one, three, or no children is an entirely personal decision (which you may or may not have a say in, if fertility or other life circumstance issues arise). It can also be an incredibly challenging one. Plenty of people also worry how they might be perceived based on their situation. For instance, a mom on the Parenting subreddit is worried that she might be seen as selfish if she sticks to one and done.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.

The original poster (OP) says she has a wonderful 18-month-old.

"She's my world," the OP wrote. "Every decision I make now, revolves around her and her future. So naturally, I am also debating on whether or not I should have another child so she won't be so lonely. Yes, I realize that she will develop friendships at school and in our community, but I do know that having a sibling is special. I grew up with two, and we are all pretty close. On top of that, my parents have been hounding me for a second child, primarily because they also have concerns with her being alone."

She spells out her "beef" with the situation.

"I can't help but think about MY future; having a second child means that I can forget about going back to work any time soon (I'm currently a stay at home mom, and we just moved to a new state so I would be starting from scratch anyway job-wise, plus with this whole COVID catastrophe, I haven't been very motivated to go back to work)," noted the OP. "I'm fortunate to have a husband who can support us, but I miss having a career, I miss having projects that have nothing to do with the house or my child. I miss adult conversations. Then, I also start thinking about going out to restaurants and vacation. It's hard enough with one child, I can't imagine with two."

She noted that her daughter is almost done with diapers, and she's having trouble wrapping her head around doing that all over again.

"I feel bad that this is my line of thinking, but I can't help it," wrote the OP. "I don't want to struggle, and I'm tired of being tired. Am I being selfish because I'm only thinking of me? But at the same time, this COVID mess may last awhile. Do I: A) have another kid because I'll be at home anyway? Or B) not bring another human being into this sh---y world?"

She also worries that because her husband is significantly older, they need to get started on a second child STAT if that is what they decide.

She turned it over to her fellow Redditors for their thoughts.

The top commenter noted, "I'm an only child who had a fantastic childhood. I'm raising an only child. If you have another child you should do it because you and your SO want to raise another one, not because you think your child needs a sibling or because your parents think you should have another. It is NOT selfish to do what is right for yourself, whatever that may be. Check out r/oneanddone and r/shouldihaveanother."

Another shared, "Parent of one happily adjusted son. I would have happily had more had circumstances allowed, but have never regretted only having one. Siblings don't necessarily get along, and having one allows you to provide experiences that you may not be able to afford if you had more kids. You and your [husband] will make the right decision for you and your family -- no one else's views matter."

A third pointed out that the OP really needs to think about her motivations. "Having a child whose job is to entertain your other child is super selfish and unfair."

The OP shared additional fears in the comments.

"I am loving my time with [my daughter]," she wrote. "She's also entering a stage in her life where I can actually show her how to do certain activities and we can do them together. If I throw a newborn into the mix, I'm afraid I'll miss out on our special time together."

At the same time, she expressed concerns about only children who were terribly upset about missing out on a sibling.

Ultimately, the OP would do well to think about what feels right for her own family -- and not how she'll be perceived. There's no shame in being a one-and-done parent.

Cafemom Logo
This is motherhood #nofilter

AboutTermsContactPrivacyPRIVACY SETTINGSSUBMIT A STORY
© 2024 WILD SKY MEDIA.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
PART OF WILD SKY MEDIA
| FAMILY & PARENTING
CAFEMOMMAMÁSLATINAS
LITTLETHINGSMOM.COM
This site is owned and operated by Bright Mountain Media, Inc., a publicly owned company trading with the symbol: BMTM.