Grieving Dad Learns From Wife’s BFF That Her ‘Devastating’ Miscarriage Was Actually an Abortion


Man crying sitting on the floor

Deciding to start your family is a big step for any couple, but one person's story on Reddit shows what could happen when you aren't on the same page as your partner before making this decision. An anonymous man explained that he was out of town when he got a teary call from his wife saying that she miscarried their baby, but he later learned that she wasn't telling the truth in a big way.

  • The Original Poster (OP) explained that he and his wife have been married for three years.

    They've been trying to have a baby for the last year -- or so he thought. On the forum r/relationship advice, the OP explained that he believed they had thoroughly discussed their plans for the future.

    "We both wanted to have children and after we got married we decided to first buy a house and get things in order financially before having children," he wrote. "Last year we both mutually agreed that we were in the right place to try for a child, in fact it was my wife who put the idea forward."

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  • About eight months ago, their wish was granted. His wife was pregnant.

    She was about six weeks along, they found out. The OP was "elated" -- "I had always wanted to be a father and it seemed like something I never thought was possible was coming true," he explained.

    Immediately they started nesting. They bought the baby books, planned the nursery, and were getting prepared for their baby.

    "I had never been happier [than] at this moment," he added.

  • Weeks later, the OP took an eight-day trip for work.

    But then he got the call that no one wants to receive.

    "Whilst I was abroad, my wife called, she was crying and told me she had a miscarriage," he recalled. "She was 18 weeks pregnant at this point."

    Right away, he rushed home to be with her. 

    "I was devastated with the news, but I never properly mourned as I felt I had to be emotionally strong for my wife who was a wreck," he explained.

  • It was a tough time for them as a couple.

    Ultimately, he hoped it would make them stronger. He wrote that he knew that giving his wife some time and space was crucial before even considering getting pregnant again "with this being, what I thought, her first miscarriage."

  • A phone call from his wife's friend changed everything, however.

    A week ago, this friend called and said she had something "important" to tell him. Apparently, his wife had scheduled an abortion while he was at that conference.

    The friend said his wife's reasoning was "that she wasn't ready to be a parent," he recalled. "My wife also said didn't want me to know about the abortion because I was so excited to be a parent and she didn't want to hurt me."

  • He didn't want to believe that this really happened.

    When he confronted his wife, however, she admitted it was the truth.

    "I'm in shock right now. I'm hurt, angry and upset," he wrote. "I just don't understand why she didn't just speak to me about it."

    He also can't understand why she would lie about getting an abortion.

    "I understand that my wife is the one carrying the child, and at the end has the right to make any decision she wants, but why lie about the whole situation," he wrote.

  • Currently, he's reconsidering their whole relationship.

    He loves his wife, "but this is a huge betrayal to me, and I can't even look at her right now." For her part, she's apologized and is begging the OP to forgive her. 

    "I've just gone down to the spare bedroom and locked myself inside," he added. "Please someone just tell me what to do."

  • The real question is this: Could the OP really ever trust his wife again?

    "The insurmountable problem is that she unilaterally made the decision and carried it out secretly then lied about [it] until she was busted," one commenter wrote. "For me, that amounts to deal breaker behavior and I couldn't ever see her the same way ever again."

    "Assuming you don't walk out of the guest room and immediately file for divorce, personal, and couples therapy. She's going to need to work through why she felt the need to lie, and why she'd TRY for a child when she's not ready to have one," someone else commented.

    "You're going to need to work through your feelings of betrayal so you can trust (anyone you might be in a relationship with) again," the person continued. "You both are going to need to work through what needs to be done to move forward, or if moving forward is even possible."

    "I mean, if they ever decide to try for a kid again, will he trust her to go through with it?" a third person wondered.

  • Some people came up with a more insidious explanation for things.

    "Are you sure it was 'your' child? Sorry but something is not making sense here," asked one commenter.

    "I am almost positive your partner cheated on you," someone else agreed. "It's over mate."

    "I can't be the only one thinking she cheated," a third commenter wrote. "Talks about getting pregnant, gets pregnant almost immediately, sees how excited you are, felt extremely guilty and got an abortion while you are away. Timeline is too suspicious to be mental health plus the addition of CONSTANTLY lying."

    Ultimately, the OP felt like he needed more time to sit with his feelings and figure out what he wanted to do.

    "My emotions are all over the place and I'm a mess right now but once everything is sorted I will try and update you on the situation," he wrote later. "Thank you for you support."

miscarriage & loss abortion