Pregnant Woman Says Partner Makes Hurtful ‘Jokes’ About Stillborn Baby She Had With Her Ex

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Pregnant woman
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TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about stillbirth and infant loss, which may be triggering to some.

Although physical violence is not the same thing as toxic behavior, either is a hallmark of an abusive relationship. Redditors are urging a woman in the Relationship Advice subreddit to consider this fact after she shared the hurtful remarks her partner made about stillborn children.

  • The original poster (OP) shared that her guy is "loving and kind," but they "have issues like everyone else."

    She explained that she's 27 weeks along with her rainbow baby. It's her partner's first child and pregnancy, and "he's doing okay."

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  • Before the OP met her current significant other, she was in a "long serious relationship" riddled with "lots of cheating" and domestic violence by him.

    "I thought I loved him more than anything so I hung around," the 24-year-old wrote. 

    She explained that she was 20 when she got pregnant with her ex. "It wasn't planned but I was super excited, I have always wanted to be a mom," she wrote. "The pregnancy was s--t. This is when all the cheating started, but I stayed as healthy as could and made it to the full 40 weeks of pregnancy."

  • The OP shared that her son was "sadly stillborn during labor," and it was "the most heartbreaking experience" of her life. 

    "After that, it almost became my mission to have a child," she explained. "We had no luck, we'd be trying for ages, then I'd have an early miscarriage."

    After 18 months, she found out she was expecting another boy. "He was doing well and no issues along the way," OP shared. "Suddenly, just short of 20 weeks, my water broke, and I went into preterm labor. I lost him. I could not believe my luck."

  • She later learned she had a "blood clot disorder that is heavily associated with miscarriage and stillbirth."

    As time went on, she broke up with that boyfriend and met and began to see her new partner, with whom she is "very happy." And they're currently expecting a baby.

  • But he has been saying "some really dumb things" about her stillborn children.

    "I was saying how excited I was to make it so far again, and his response was 'yep, all you needed was a guy with good genetics,'" the OP noted. "He tells this to EVERYONE, even our families." 

    She feels her partner's behavior is "really rude," given that she's the one doing "daily blood thinning injections and taking medication" to ensure she carries their child "as healthy as can be."  

    "But he's attributing our babies good health to 'his genetics,'" wrote the frustrated OP

    Her partner also tells her that he thinks her losses were the universe's way of telling her to not have kids with her ex.

    "Whenever I get really upset, he tells me 'there's no point in getting upset, at least they never actually lived', and the recent kicker was when we were talking about Mother's Day, I asked if he was planning on getting me anything, he immediately replied with ‘Why would I? Our babies not even born yet?’" the OP explained. "And he's now just told me he doesn't view me as a mother."

  • The OP continued, "It's heartbreaking; this is the first time in four years I won't even get a card." 

    "I know he didn't experience what I did," she wrote. "I know there's no way he could ever truly know the pain I feel, but how do I make him see what he's saying is hurtful? How can I make him understand even the tiniest bit how much my babies meant to me?"

  • Redditors chimed in to collectively shake their heads and urge the OP to see what's really going on with her guy.

    "He is not great! He is not loving!! He is not kind!!!" one commenter wrote. "The term 'piece of s--t' comes to mind. You are a wonderful and amazing momma, doing every thing you can to keep your babe safe, don't forget in the middle of all this your own mental health. Having no partner is better for you and babe than a toxic one."

    Another commenter struck a gentle tone and urged the OP to realize that "those are terrible things to say," continuing, "You need to have an honest conversation with him and include how important it is to honor your first babies as your children, as well. He probably has some insecurities over this not being your first pregnancy, but he shouldn't be taking it out on you like this."

    A third commenter even did a bit of digging, concluding, "Leave him. I just checked your post history. 12 days ago you were talking about how he pays for [a social media site called] OnlyFans, has anger issues, and has been asking other women for nudes. ... There's red flags galore! This man is not a good partner. He's terrible." 

  • Here's hoping the expecting mom reads the comments and takes action. 

    For more information on identifying abusive relationship behavior and creating a safety plan, consider a resource such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline.