Woman Struggling With Devastating Infertility Discovers Husband Had a Secret Vasectomy

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woman sad after pregnancy test
Aja Koska/iStock.com

Struggling to conceive or to have a healthy pregnancy is heartbreaking. Many women feel as if their bodies are betraying them or that they'll never be able to give their partners this priceless gift that they both desperately want. But as one mom faced the prospect of not being able to conceive, she also realized she was deeply betrayed by her husband, who was the one who actually put her in this position. It turns out, he lied to her and never admitted he had gotten a vasectomy before they got married. Now, the wife is so furious that she's considering divorce.

  • The anonymous wife explained that after enduring unsuccessful IVF, she learned her husband's dirty secret.

    In a post on Reddit, the woman wrote that during their five years together, her husband had never mentioned the procedure she's since learned he had 10 years ago. The secret only came to light while she was struggling to conceive. 

    According to the woman, the pair decided to try IVF in December after having no luck conceiving naturally. Unfortunately, that round wasn't successful either. "Last month I looked at all our tests results and it hit me that his zero sperm count several times on sperm analysis can’t be normal and suspected vasectomy," she wrote. "I confronted him about it and he admitted he had vasectomy and was hoping it will reverse itself naturally hence he never said anything."

    It turns out, her husband had the procedure a decade ago while he was married to his first wife. Later in the thread, she shared that he already has two children with his ex-wife, but sadly she has none. 

    "I feel very angry, betrayed and hurt that he allowed me to go through the emotional roller coaster of thinking I’m infertile and to even suggest IVF while he knew what the problem for us not falling pregnant was his vasectomy," she wrote. 

    She also added that she was mad her husband had gone through sperm analysis twice without coming clean and opting to lie to the doctors instead. "He attributed the zero sperm count to [a] poor sample he put out. He went to extra lengths to keep and maintain this lie," she wrote. 

    "If I had known 5 years ago that he didn’t want any more children, I could have made an informed decision to stay with him or not," she continued. "He took that choice from me."

    "I’m very conflicted on what to do, please [advise]."

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  • Online, people were absolutely livid that her husband lied to her and made her think she was infertile.

    "Does he not even realize what he has put you through??" one person wrote in the comments. "I'm so sorry, I'd leave him. That's unforgivable and thinking it 'would reverse itself on its own' is the worst excuse I've ever heard."

    "The fact that he let you believe that you were infertile is awful. He watched you struggle with insecurity, guilt, shame, sadness, and more while he knew what was really going on. That in of itself is the real betrayal," the person wrote. "He caused you insurmountable emotional turmoil. He even took the financial lashing of IVF as to hide his betrayal when it would’ve been so easy to just tell you the truth."

    Another person agreed this was a deal breaker. "I don’t think you’ll ever be able to let this go or forgive him. I know I wouldn’t," the person wrote. "You married him with hopes of having children, and assuming he knew that, he absolutely knowingly deceived you so you wouldn’t leave him. You can do better than him."

    "This is something I would leave over. I'm sorry this is happening OP. He should have disclosed this information while you were dating," another person wrote.

  • In the end, the writer said she doesn't think she'll ever get over this and all that he put her through.

    "I really want to have children and this has been very difficult for me," she wrote. "I feel he betrayed my trust in him by not disclosing this crucial information to me."

    She added that she thinks "it will take me a long time to recover from this betrayal and dishonesty." 

    That's because of all that his little secret has ended up putting her through both physically and emotionally -- and time mattered. "Going through all the fertility process was not easy at all. Since it was done 10 years ago, vasectomy reversal might be difficult and success not guaranteed. But had he opened up 5 years ago, that might have been an option instead of what I went through," she wrote.

    "He should’ve been honest and let me decide if I want to continue with him or not before we got married."