Parenting

Wife Refuses to Tell MIL She's Pregnant for Fear She'll 'Ruin' It -- Despite Husband's Wishes

ParentingPublished Jan 23, 2019
By Genny Glassman
featured-img-of-post-217330PeopleImages/iStock.com

Sometimes it can be hard to have a good relationship with your in-laws, but even if you tend to get along well, things can get tricky when you're pregnant with their grandkid. For one mom-to-be, she's seriously dreading this and finds her MIL to be so unbearable that she doesn't even want to tell her that she's pregnant. The problem is that she told her parents weeks ago and now, her husband wants his side of the family in on the fun too. Is she wrong for still wanting to keep it from her in-laws?

Even though the mom knows that it isn't exactly "reasonable" to keep her pregnancy a secret from her in-laws, she still doesn't want to tell them.-placeholder
Even though the mom knows that it isn't exactly "reasonable" to keep her pregnancy a secret from her in-laws, she still doesn't want to tell them.
Mumsnet

Even though the mom knows that it isn't exactly "reasonable" to keep her pregnancy a secret from her in-laws, she still doesn't want to tell them.

In a post on Mumsnet, the wife confessed that her husband's parents "annoy me at the best of times." And at the worst, she wrote that she's never seen eye-to-eye with her mother-in-law, especially because she's caused so many arguments between her and her husband over the years.

But because of their rocky history, the mom still isn't ready yet. "I don't know what it is that is making me so annoyed about telling them, maybe I am still a bit bitter and so I am enjoying having this lovely secret from them. I just don't know," she wrote. "I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that only us and my parents know." 

Now that the mom has passed the eight-week mark in her pregnancy, her husband is urging her to share the news with his parents while they are in town visiting because they won't see them again for at least six weeks. Plus, her parents have known since they first found out so he is probably getting anxious for his side to know. 

"My parents were told as soon as we found out as this is all new to us, I wanted to be able to call someone about what does this feeling mean, can I eat this, am I being silly by feeling this, etc. I am very close to my mom and dad and so is [my husband] so he agreed that we should tell my parents ASAP," she added in a later comment. "It isn't a case of favoring them or me telling [my husband] we have to tell my parents, it is just how both me and [my husband's] relationship is with my parents and what we both wanted to do."

Despite her husband's wishes, she still doesn't want them to know until after her first scan at 12 weeks -- at least. "This is not me being a DIL from hell or wanting to drive a wedge between a son and mother, for years I tried and so did my [husband]. It is purely being honest and saying that our relationship is important and so we need to protect it," she added in another comment. "And yes I agree it is [my husband's] child as much as mine, and in fact I am going above and beyond to make sure that he feels that way... My fears are not over him and my intentions are not to deprive him of the experience; my concerns are with the MIL."

The mom also explained that the reason why she doesn't like her in-laws so much is because they drink too much, are manipulative when it comes to things such as money, and interject themselves into her marriage. Which we have to admit would be hard to get over, especially in a moment when you just want to be happy. But does that entitle her to get out of having to tell them?

Despite the bad history, some people felt like this mom was being a tad unreasonable and should use the baby as a fresh start.

And put her husband first since he has as much right to tell his parent as she did hers.-placeholder
And put her husband first since he has as much right to tell his parent as she did hers.
Mumsnet

And put her husband first since he has as much right to tell his parent as she did hers.

Many agreed that keeping the secret would be hurting her husband more than her in-laws.-placeholder
Many agreed that keeping the secret would be hurting her husband more than her in-laws.
Mumsnet

Many agreed that keeping the secret would be hurting her husband more than her in-laws.

But some people supported the mom's wish: It's her body, her choice.

Many people agreed with her plan to play it safe and wait at least 12 weeks.-placeholder
Many people agreed with her plan to play it safe and wait at least 12 weeks.
Mumsnet

Many people agreed with her plan to play it safe and wait at least 12 weeks.

And other users added that there's no harm in waiting until their next visit if that's what she's more comfortable with.-placeholder
And other users added that there's no harm in waiting until their next visit if that's what she's more comfortable with.
Mumsnet

And other users added that there's no harm in waiting until their next visit if that's what she's more comfortable with.

But one person pointed out the best part of waiting to tell them: Because they aren't local, she doesn't have to be around when her husband makes the call.-placeholder
But one person pointed out the best part of waiting to tell them: Because they aren't local, she doesn't have to be around when her husband makes the call.
Mumsnet

But one person pointed out the best part of waiting to tell them: Because they aren't local, she doesn't have to be around when her husband makes the call.

In the end, this mom's in-laws are going to learn that she's having a baby at some point. So she and her husband should get on the same page either way because this is just going to be the first of many more parenting decisions to come.

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