15 Things You Should Stop Saying to Women Facing Infertility

Liz Alterman | Apr 26, 2017 Pregnancy
15 Things You Should Stop Saying to Women Facing Infertility
Image: iStock.com/fstop123

woman in doctor's office

When you're trying to conceive and it's just not happening, that heartbreak and disappointment are almost always foremost in your mind. So, you really don't need someone bringing up your condition and then dismissing it. Even worse is when people, who may believe they're actually being helpful, end up saying completely inappropriate (and ultimately hurtful) things. 

We asked women in our CafeMom community to share the out-of-line and out-of-place comments that flowed in their direction as they faced fertility issues. Some will have you scratching your head at the startling rudeness. If you've been there, you may relate, and if you have a friend or family member experiencing infertility, this list may prevent you from saying the wrong thing.

  • 'Kids Are Too Much Work'

    kids make a mess

    "You won't like kids anyway; they are too much work." -- CafeMom community member notuseless

    Um, most women are probably aware that kids aren't mini-adults. Duh.

    More from CafeMomWhy Expecting Motherhood to Be Natural Is a Load of Crap

  • 'You Already Have Kids'

    woman hugging child
    Maria Sbytova/Shutterstock

    "'You already have kids; it's not as painful on you as it is on me.'

    "Doesn't matter how many kids you have, infertility struggles are painful." -- vkp23 

    More from CafeMom: 15 Infertility Myths That Screw With Your Head

  • 'Some People Are Not Made to Be Parents'

    couple with kids
    Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

    "Some people are not made to be parents, just aunts and uncles." - tiffluv81 

    Ouch. That's a brutal comment to make. Sounds like the person who said it just wants to keep her free babysitter around. 

    More from CafeMom17 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom Planning a Natural Birth

  • 'You're Still Young'

    woman distraught
    Syda Productions/Shuttestock

    "Oh, you are young, you still have time." -- shiarhars

    You never know if someone may be dealing with a condition that can't be helped by medical intervention. If so, age may not be a consideration at all. 

  • 'A Blessing in Disguise'

    woman in discomfort

    "Maybe your miscarriage was a blessing from God because he doesn't want you having kids yet?" -- Anonymous

    This is so wrong, we don't even know where to begin.

  • 'Babysit Mine & You Won't Want Any'

    woman reading to kids
    Julia Kuznetsova/Shutterstock

    "You can babysit mine and you will see you don't want any." -- Anonymous

    This tells us more about the parenting skills of the person who said it than anything else. 

  • 'Just Relax'

    woman lecturing woman

    "Just relax; pregnancy happens when you're not trying." -- Melissa_4

    Multiple women cited this as one of the things they'd least like to hear.

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  • 'You Can Adopt'

    family walking together
    Nikita TV/Shutterstock

    "You can always adopt." -- Melissa2

    Yes, you can -- probably already knew that, right? 

    More from CafeMom

  • 'Adoption Will Solve Your Problems'

    doctor advising woman
    Rocketclips, Inc./Shutterstock

    "After we adopted our son, people assured us this was the cure for infertility. Because of course, my documented medical condition causing my infertility was all in my head. No, adoption does not make someone suddenly fertile!" -- Anonymous

  • 'If God Wants It...'

    baby hands

    "If God means for you to be a mother, it will happen." -- Melissa_4

    Wow, just wow. 

  • 'When Are You Going to Have a Baby?'

    women talking over lunch

    "So, when are you going to have a baby?" -- Anonymous

    If you're trying and nothing is happening, you do not want to be asked this -- especially over and over again.

  • 'Kids Cost More Than IVF'

    Couple with doctor

    "IVF is cheap compared to a kid." -- Anonymous 

    Being told that the cost of trying to get pregnant is nothing next to the expense of raising a child is just thoughtless. 

  • 'I'm Pregnant & I Don't Even Want It'

    friends consoling woman

    "I'm pregnant and we don't even want it." -- Anonymous

    There's nothing worse than hearing that your pals are getting pregnant without a second thought, while you're wishing and hoping to someday have a baby. 

  • 'It'll All Work Out'

    sad woman

    "Don't worry, I'm sure it'll all work out how it's supposed to." -- Anonymous 

    No one wants to hear you'll be just fine when they have no idea that it'll truly work out that way.

  • 'At Least You Can Sleep In'

    woman can't sleep

    "At least you can sleep in on the weekends, go out to dinner, or take a nice vacation." -- Anonymous


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