I Feel Empowered to Talk About My Miscarriage Because of Moms Like This

Remy Ma attends the 2016 VH 1 Divas Holiday: Unsilent Night
Jackie Brown/Splash

As joyful as the pregnancy journey can be, sometimes life takes unexpected turns that sadly end in miscarriage. Though many moms understandably take the time to grieve in private, there are others who somehow find the strength to speak up and let the rest of us know we aren't alone. Rapper Remy Ma's message to other women who've suffered a miscarriage is one we all need to hear, as it often takes a community to heal.

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Remy and her husband, fellow rapper and manager Papoose, announced they were expecting last June. Watching Remy and Papoose celebrate their pregnancy during the January 23 episode of Love & Hip Hop -- which was filmed before they discovered Remy had an ectopic pregnancy that required immediate surgery -- broke my heart. At the end of the episode, the couple revealed their sad news. Having experienced my own loss, I will say that hearing Remy tell viewers she's no longer able to "have any more pregnancies naturally" made me cry and grieve with her. 

More from CafeMom: Why Miscarriages Are So Emotionally Painful

"I promised my husband that I would give him the child that he's been asking for since the day he met me," Remy told cameras in a Love & Hip Hop clip. "I can't do that anymore -- I can't."

Between them, Remy and Papoose have four older children from previous relationships. Remy recently took to Instagram, where she shared a video message to fans that was filmed during her time in the hospital. "I never for one second thought that it would end like this for me," the rapper says. "I have stitches in my stomach and no baby. Today I was thinking of names and planning a nursery."

First, thank you to everyone that sent their congrats as well as condolences�� This was a hard time for me & my husband & we thought long and hard before deciding to share this part of our lives with you all. I was totally against it but in a fit of crying @papoosepapoose said " you are not the only one going thru this , we will get thru it" ...made me realize how many women like myself experience the same thing and don't have a strong partner by their side to say it will be alright. So I'm here to tell anyone going thru a similar situation that it is not over and God has the last say so Thank you to the staff at the hospital I was in; you all were super nice & respectful and did everything to ensure I was comfortable. And to Dr. Razmzan , who came to perform my surgery at 5am, who tried his best to leave me scarless and succeeded, who eased any fears I had- THANK YOU, & don't retire yet cuz once we find the right in vitro dr you have to deliver my babies �#BlackLove #RemyMa #MeetTheMackies

A video posted by Remy Ma (@remyma) on

More from CafeMom: 25 Celebrities Who Spoke Openly About Their Miscarriage Experience

The mom also wrote a message to her fans, thanking them for their condolences while taking the time to reach out to other women going through similar experiences.

"We thought long and hard before deciding to share this part of our lives with you all," Remy writes in the video's caption. She continues:

I was totally against it but in a fit of crying @papoosepapoose said, 'you are not the only one going thru this , we will get thru it' ...made me realize how many women like myself experience the same thing and don't have a strong partner by their side to say it will be alright. So I'm here to tell anyone going thru a similar situation that it is not over and God has the last say so

Whether you know and enjoy Remy as an entertainer or not, her miscarriage is a shared experience that so many women can relate to -- myself included.

More from CafeMom: I See the Pain of My Own Miscarriage in This Dad's Gut-Wrenching Illustration

You hear the American Pregnancy Association's estimation that 10 to 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, but you never think it will apply to your pregnancy. And, when it happens, it's easy to feel numb and to question what's wrong with you or whether you're "good enough" to have children.

As thankful as I am to have gotten pregnant a couple months after my miscarriage -- and to have had a second son 16 months after my first -- a part of me still lives in the land of "what if." What if I worked out a little more and ate a little cleaner -- would I have had that child? What if I was a better person?

There's nothing I've felt that compares to the crippling feeling of having a miscarriage. And, aside from the love of my husband, one of my biggest guiding lights was the voices of fellow sisters -- women who've walked the path of child loss and told me, through time, that I would be okay.

More from CafeMom: How to Comfort a Friend Who Survived a Miscarriage

No one likes to talk about miscarriage (it's not exactly a common topic at the dinner table), and I'm so grateful for women like Remy, who can be that voice when you feel defeated, scared, worthless, angry, and uncertain. It's one thing to read helpful tips in a book, but it's a completely different story when someone's shared experiences resonate with you and possibly become the light for other moms going through the same thing.

Thank you, Remy, for reminding us that "it's not over."

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