Woman Plans to Give Birth in Ocean With Dolphin Midwives Because Her Baby Can 'Speak Dolphin' (VIDEO)

dolphin birthWhen it comes to natural birthing trends, some are more, shall we say, unusual than others ... but the latest childbirth fad to make headlines is definitely the most unusual ever: One expectant mom in Hawaii is planning a "dolphin-assisted" birth. As in, with dolphins for midwives.

Advertisement

Spiritual healer Dorina Rosin, who runs a healing retreat on Hawaii's Big Island along with partner Maika Suneagle, is planning to give birth in the ocean, alongside dolphins. Because the couple believes their unborn baby can "speak dolphin," of course, and also because they "believe in the healing power of nature." Heck, they even sell CDs at their retreat that include dolphin song!

No, seriously, dolphins are a big deal to Rosin. And I don't mean she used to put dolphin stickers on her lunchbox as a kid and watch reruns of Flipper, I mean she's, like, REALLY into dolphins. As she writes on her blog:

"In 2011 and 2014 I had the privilege to learn from and with wild and free dolphins and Humpback whales in Hawaii who transformed and healed me in a very profound way."

Well, sure. But were those dolphins certified midwives? Do they know infant CPR?? Is there any guarantee they won't, I don't know, EAT THE BABY because it looks like a slippery little fish?

According to science journalist Christie Wilcox, there is, in fact, ZERO guarantee the dolphins won't eat and/or otherwise do something really bad to the baby:

"This has to be, hands down, one of the worst natural birthing ideas anyone has ever had,' she wrote, mostly because dolphins have been known to "toss, beat, and kill small porpoises or baby sharks for no apparent reason other than they enjoy it, though some have suggested the poor porpoises serve as practice for killing the infants of rival males."

More from The Stir: Incredible Water Birth Photo Series Captures Pure Serenity in Delivery (PHOTOS)

"Is this an animal you want to have at your side when you’re completely vulnerable?" asked Wilcox, echoing the sentiments of every other sane person in the world.

Hey look, I'm not a scientist, and I'm not a doctor, but I am a mom. So I'm not even gonna get into all the insane health risks that this method of birthing potentially poses to both mother and child, I'm just gonna go ahead and say that I'm assuming this is Rosin's first baby, because no experienced birth-giver would be fool enough to believe there's anything about this scenario that would work out okay. Unless you're the Little Mermaid, and maybe this woman secretly believes she is the Little Mermaid, because she certainly seems to think life is a fairy tale. Lady, this ain't a Disney movie, okay? Little birds don't help you with the housework, mice don't sew ball gowns, and dolphins don't deliver babies.

Anyway. Here's Rosin swimming with some dolphins, presumably so they can chat with her baby:

 

Hey, has anybody else noticed that dolphins have no hands? They're gonna be SUPER helpful!!

Let's just all pray nothing goes horribly wrong ... and that the baby really can speak dolphin, 'cause that would be cool!!

 

Image via DailyMail24/YouTube

Read More >