Having a Baby Before Age 25 Is a Really Bad Idea (Got That, Guys?!)

Rant 89

biological clockHold on to your seats, ladies, because this news will make you lose your freaking minds. According to a new survey by vouchercloud.com, men believe that women should become mothers by age 25. Meanwhile, women think that the proper age to have a first child is 31.

Take a moment and let that sink in. Apparently, the quarter-century mark is the most timely age to become a mother ... according to the gentlemanly folk, at least.

I think I'll pass, thankyouverymuch.

After the initial nausea subsides from reading that statistic, I really only have one reaction: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Please. As if.

Finally, I've now moved on to the anger stage.

Now listen, there is nothing wrong with being a young mother. Frankly, having kids in your 20s is probably pretty bomb. You have tons of energy to keep up with those suckers, and you'll still be young when they leave the nest. It's a great plan. I respect that. If that's your decision, I applaud it.

I just won't be joining you in the PTA or daycare anytime soon, no matter what guy wants to put a time clock on my uterus. And here's why:

I'm in no way ready. Maybe it's a maturity thing (though I like to think I'm mature for my age), but I have yet to matriculate into full-fledged adult status. I refuse to sign out of my parents' cellphone plan (seriously, thanks for not writing me out yet, Mom and Dad), and as trivial as it may sound, a child-bearing and baby-raising adult might want to pay their own cellphone bill. Just maybe.

I can barely feed myself. Last week, I had a Popsicle for dinner. An actual artificially flavored frozen ice cream treat was my "dinner" because I was too lazy to walk 30 steps to the 24-hour bodega to buy a real meal. Something tells me a pediatrician would disapprove.

$$$$$. I don't think it's a secret that babies are expensive and the fact of the matter is this: I no has moneyz.

And whatever I do have goes to happy hour. And shoes. Because I heart heels and pinot grigio.

Where would it go? If any interior designer/architect can chime in here, I'd appreciate it: where would I fit a baby in my two-bedroom, 200-square-foot, New York apartment? My roommate's not going anywhere, and the living/dining/kitchen area has no room to spare. I guess I could loft my bed, but then ugh, is that a baby-proofing issue?

The bar scene needs me. Gotta make my appearances, y'all! And I don't think car seats fit on bar stools.

I can't give my mother everything she wants. Love you, Mom! But not this. Not yet, at least. I just graduated from college and landed my first job. That's enough excitement for now.

Baby names ... huh? Do you want a baby name inspired by astronomy? I'm totally your girl. But I have zero idea what I would name my child. I named my hedgehog after my favorite food (Waffles), so I guess I can continue that trend (maybe favorite drink this time?). I think "MargaritaNoSalt" will have some trouble introducing himself when he's older, though.

I need one of those "boyfriend" things first. Or at least a few of his best swimmers, and I have neither. Minor problem, possibly.

I'm not ready to see Blue's Clues on my Netflix queue. It's taken me a while to perfect my Netflix recommendations and wipe out the "Recently Watched" section to only include my favorites. I'd hate to see all that hard work go to waste.

More from The Stir20 Signs You're Ready to Have a Baby

I don't know if I want a baby. Here's a question: what if I don't want to be a mother? Or what if I want to do it later? Like, waaaaaay later. Who's to say I can't? I won't be subscribing to some other person's timeline if I don't want to.

Especially not a dude's. Nothing against the men folk, but:

friends rachel no uterus no opinion

This shop is not yet open. 

So whether you agree with one or none of my arguments, at least listen to this one: having a child and becoming a mother is your choice. No one "should" become a parent by any age. Do it when you're ready (physically, mentally, emotionally) and willing. And make it your own decision. No one else's.

Hear that guys?

Do you think 25 is a good age to be a parent?

 

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being a mom