An Alaska lawmaker with a bee in his bonnet about fetal alcohol syndrome is pushing for state-funded pregnancy tests in bars. You know, because the first thought the usually runs through a woman's head when she's out for a night on the town is, "Huh? Could I be pregnant?"
I'm just saying ... if a woman suspects she's pregnant, she probably has bigger things on her mind than which cocktail to order. But maybe that's just me.
Anyway, State Senator Pete Kelly (R) told the Alaska Senate on Monday that government-funded pregnancy tests in bars are a good idea because "birth control may not protect Alaskan women who drink regularly from getting pregnant."
Well OK then. I was unaware that alcohol consumption caused pregnancy, but I do see how it could possibly up the chances of a particular activity required for procreation. Sen. Kelly rationalized his bizzarre idea by saying:
"If you have people who are binge drinking or chronic drinkers, we're hesitant to say 'use birth control as your protection against fetal alcohol syndrome,' because again, as I say, binge drinking is a problem," he said. "If you think you can take birth control and then binge drink and hope not to produce a fetal alcohol syndrome baby, you may be very wrong. Sometimes these things don't work. Sometimes people forget. Sometimes they administer birth control improperly, and you might produce a fetal alcohol syndrome baby."
Please note that he had to be corrected by Democrat State Sen. Berta Gardner, who requested that "the record be corrected to show that birth control is used to prevent pregnancy, not fetal alcohol syndrome."
Side note: This is why Republicans lose, people.
Anyway, we know that alcohol isn't the only thing that can adversely affect a pregnant woman or her baby, so why stop at pregnancy tests in bars? What if a woman wants to smoke, should tabacco stores offer free pregnancy tests? Sushi restaurants?
What about physical activities? Maybe we should pass out pregnancy tests to women of childbearing age entering amusement parks. If they get a plus sign on the pee stick, maybe we can give them a special wristband that would preclude them from riding the rollercoasters.
Or, you know, maybe we could just trust women to take care of their bodies, and any other bodies they may be gestating.
Would you take a pregnancy test in a bar before a night of drinking?
Image via John Arnold/Flickr