There's nothing quite like being eight or nine months pregnant and feeling as if your body has been taken over by extraterrestrial forces. Muscles in your hips that you never knew you had ache, you can barely walk a block without wanting to die of exhaustion, and society is still forcing you to get dressed in the morning -- when you'd really love nothing more than to rock a snuggly robe everywhere you go.
Most sane people know better than to mess with you when you're in the third trimester. They're usually supremely nice and accommodating and you may even find they can help restore your faith in humanity. That's the good news.
The bad news is that you will almost certainly hear at least one insane, ridiculous comment or question uttered from the mouth of someone so clueless you can't help but wonder how he or she made it this far in life. Resist the urge to bump him/her with your belly and smile on. Here are 10 of the craziest comments/questions we've heard from real women.
1. "You must be having a girl. You've spread."
2. Standing in line at a grocery store, a woman I had never seen before started chatting with me. She asked if I have stretch marks. I told her that, yes, I had developed some and she proceeded to try and lift my shirt saying, "I got them too -- let me see yours."
3. A handsome man in a business suit approached me on the street. He pointed to my belly, smiled, and said, "Boy, right?" I smiled back and said, "Yes." He then made a curve shape with his hands and said, "I can tell because your breasts and belly are so round. That means he [the father] gave it to you good."
4. I had the occasional random dude yell, "Congratulations, mama!" at me on the street. And a nun touched my belly.
5. A lady said that it looked like I swallowed SeaWorld.
6. My mother-in-law told me to eat okra so the baby would come out easier.
7. A man who approached me at the orchestra while I was with my husband said, "I admire you." He had his significant other on his arm.
8. A creepy guy who approached me on the street near my office asked, "Can I deliver your baby?"
9. I'm a swimmer, and I was teaching my brother some strokes. When I got in the water, he said it was like watching a lumbering hippo on land and then watching it be graceful in the water.
10. Near-stranger I had just met at a family party: "Oh my God, my birth was so painful. I was in labor for 22 hours and his head was so big. I wanted to die the entire time."
What's the craziest comment or question you received toward the end of your pregnancy?
Image via dizznbonn/Flickr