Some Parents Deserve Prison Time for Their Outrageous Baby Names

There are those who believe you should get to name your baby whatever you want. And then there are those who make laws against it. And I'm squarely behind those lawmakers. Throw the asses in jail who dare to name their defenseless children things like Facebook and Rambo. Yes, a Mexican state just banned those two names, along with 59 others, including Lady Di, and the Spanish words for martian and circumcision. As someone whose mother tried to name her "Kama Sutra," I stand firmly behind all babies whose crazy parents want to saddle them with a ridiculous moniker sure to elicit snorts from playmates and resumes that are quietly slipped to the back of the pile.

Other banned names in Sonora, Mexico include:

Burger King

Harry Potter







and the Spanish names for scrotum and traffic (see more here).

Listen, I don't care that you were the one who gestated this human being for nine months in your womb. The child didn't ask for it. And we all know that having a baby doesn't mean you're suddenly a kick ass parent. There are plenty who are truly horrific, and many more who are simply negligent, and even more who are just annoying.

Your kids shouldn't have to suffer every day, many times a day, for your deluded notion that Facebook somehow makes an awesome name. Life is hard enough without trying to overcome that albatross.

Not that everyone has to be named Catherine or Jason, but c'mon! Use some common sense. Problem? Giving birth does not necessarily mean you have common sense. So others with it must step in and save your child from yourself.

More From The Stir: Parents Lose Custody of Son Named 'Adolf Hitler'

As for my own story, family lore has it that my mom wanted to name me Kama Sutra, after the famous Indian sex positions book. Was my mother under the effects of some kind of drug after she pushed me out of her loins and chose this name? I have no idea. I just thank the nurses who supposedly said "no" and took me out of the room until she came up with something slightly more suitable. And I ended up with a weird one anyway.

If there needs to be a law, then so be it. A little time in the clink makes Catherine and Jason look pretty good.

To cut the horrible baby namers of Sonora, Mexico some slack, reportedly, the people there often give their kids names they see on posters and billboards and don't quite understand what they mean. So maybe some education here would work better than prison.

But those of you in the U.S. have no excuse.

Do you think there should be a law against stupid names?


Image via JoeShlabotnik/Flickr

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nonmember avatar myopinion

I don't think Rambo is that bad.

Claudia Castello

My mom wanted to name me Imogene, but my grandma talked her out of it. She goes, "You mean like Imogene Coca? Do you want her to get made fun of?" So she gave me my great-grandma's name instead.

Sandra Gibbs

Oh yes!Working in the health care field, I've seen some downright stupid ones. The first prize goes to Newyorka(first name) City (middle name). Then there was Harry Balls. I could go on and on,

Railr... RailroadGirl

My mother in law had to talk a lady out of naming her baby daughter Vagina because she thought it sounded pretty. Luckily the lady listened. I'm all for a law on giving babies ridiculous names. It seriously is getting out of control and a game of who can make up the worst name. Patents need to realize their child will grow into an adult and need to get an adult job. Plus if the interviewers can't even pronounce name how would they even be able to call them for an interview?

Kaelsma Kaelsma

HEY! MY name is Rambo! I take offense to that Mexican ba.

Jespren Jespren

It sounds all high minded and nice to say you should ban 'stupid' names the problem is, who determines stupid? You? What happens in 10 years when you2 determines the name you like is 'stupid'. At one time Implius (imp-ply-us) was a popular name, at another time Oceanous was a popular boys name. Eric, Tracy, and Kelly used to be male-only names. The name Jessica was made up by Shakespear and look how popular it is today? 'Julie' means 'downy cheeks', and it's a girl's name. Or what about Dick coming to be a derogratory? Names vary, sometimes incredibly rapidly. What someone thinks of as foolish today could be the pinacle of cool by the time the kid is in high school, and what we think of as normal might be embarrassing to their grandkids someday. Parents have the natural right to name their kids what they want, and the only time the state should interfer is if there are preexisting legalities concerning the name-like naming a child 'Lord' in a society with nobility or a kid 'Judge' or 'Congressman' where the name could be legally misconstrude as a title.

nonmember avatar me

In many countries there are official lists of names you have to use to name your kid. No unisex names, no made up names, no uber weird spellings etc. I think its great. Saves kids from names like kuality or mykynzie or ice tea, or kama sutra.. really.. They keep updating the lists and adding more international names into them, but I say yey for some kind of name policing

Zenezzy Zenezzy

What about people who speak other languages and a normal name in their language means something else in another language.  

nonmember avatar CaliBeauty

have "dictionary" or "encyclopedia" ever become popular children names? and these words have been around for why should "facebook" be any exception? i don't think the author is talking about culturally different names or the like, but sheesh, "facebook", "pilot", "kal-el"? and on and on...come now, folks must have some sense...a parents right to try to be hip and cool must be 2nd to the child's right to have a meaningful, decent name...

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