Some Parents Deserve Prison Time for Their Outrageous Baby Names

There are those who believe you should get to name your baby whatever you want. And then there are those who make laws against it. And I'm squarely behind those lawmakers. Throw the asses in jail who dare to name their defenseless children things like Facebook and Rambo. Yes, a Mexican state just banned those two names, along with 59 others, including Lady Di, and the Spanish words for martian and circumcision. As someone whose mother tried to name her "Kama Sutra," I stand firmly behind all babies whose crazy parents want to saddle them with a ridiculous moniker sure to elicit snorts from playmates and resumes that are quietly slipped to the back of the pile.

Other banned names in Sonora, Mexico include:

Burger King

Harry Potter

Batman

USNavy

Hitler

Twitter

Terminator

Robocop

and the Spanish names for scrotum and traffic (see more here).

Listen, I don't care that you were the one who gestated this human being for nine months in your womb. The child didn't ask for it. And we all know that having a baby doesn't mean you're suddenly a kick ass parent. There are plenty who are truly horrific, and many more who are simply negligent, and even more who are just annoying.

Your kids shouldn't have to suffer every day, many times a day, for your deluded notion that Facebook somehow makes an awesome name. Life is hard enough without trying to overcome that albatross.

Not that everyone has to be named Catherine or Jason, but c'mon! Use some common sense. Problem? Giving birth does not necessarily mean you have common sense. So others with it must step in and save your child from yourself.

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As for my own story, family lore has it that my mom wanted to name me Kama Sutra, after the famous Indian sex positions book. Was my mother under the effects of some kind of drug after she pushed me out of her loins and chose this name? I have no idea. I just thank the nurses who supposedly said "no" and took me out of the room until she came up with something slightly more suitable. And I ended up with a weird one anyway.

If there needs to be a law, then so be it. A little time in the clink makes Catherine and Jason look pretty good.

To cut the horrible baby namers of Sonora, Mexico some slack, reportedly, the people there often give their kids names they see on posters and billboards and don't quite understand what they mean. So maybe some education here would work better than prison.

But those of you in the U.S. have no excuse.

Do you think there should be a law against stupid names?

 

Image via JoeShlabotnik/Flickr

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