An Open Letter to My Pregnant Friends I Refused to Be Happy For

Rant 42

pregnant bellyDear formerly pregnant friends,

I know this is way, way overdue on my part -- but I really owe you an apology for how I reacted when you excitedly told me you were going to be a mom. The minute "I'm pregnant!" came out of your mouth, I saw the look of pure joy and elation on your face. But what did I do instead of sharing in that happiness with you? I immediately started ranting and raving about how much your life was going to change -- and not necessarily for the better.

And I wasn't trying to rain on your parade ... I swear. I simply thought giving you the brutally honest version of what to expect with a baby's arrival would spare you hours and hours of sitting on the couch crying and wondering why you weren't adjusting naturally to motherhood ... because that's what happened to me after I had my kid.

But while my "advice" was delivered with good intentions, I now realize it was not only unwanted ... it was uncalled for and inappropriate. And in your eyes, it probably sounded downright mean. I guess it sort of was.

You know the old saying, "karma's a bitch"? Yeah, well it must be true. Because now I know EXACTLY how awful I made you feel at one of the most exciting times of your life.

And tomorrow will be one of the most exciting times in mine. You see ... we're picking up our new rescue puppy, who is arriving via transport from Arkansas late morning. And while I have received loads of well wishes and support from friends and family -- I've also gotten quite a few comments about how much my life is going to absolutely suck to high hell after getting a dog. Yes, I know starting this new chapter will have its challenges and my lifestyle will change ... but I'm ready for this step.

More from The Stir15 Lies Every Pregnant Woman Tells Herself

And while I welcome helpful tips and advice, I really don't appreciate the passive aggressive comments I've received about this pup -- especially when it's something I'm so clearly thrilled about.

When I tell people we're getting a dog, all I really want to hear is, "That's wonderful, Mary! I am so happy for you and your family."

And now I fully realize those words were all my pregnant friends ever wanted to hear from me.

On that note, I take back every remotely negative sounding thing I ever said to you about how hard having a baby is. Yes ... it's hard. But anything in life that's worth anything at all is HARD. (That's just the way it works.)

Please forget whatever I said and replace it with this simple statement:

"What wonderful news! I'm SO happy for you. And I can't wait to meet your beautiful baby."

With my heartfelt apologies,



Image via jonny.hunter/Flickr

pets, newborns, emotions


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Kierr... KierraJanae29

Now that I'm a mom its hard not to do the samething to expectant moms. It truly is hard especially for young mothers like myself. I guess its something I need to work on as well.

nonmember avatar daisee

A) It's kind of late to warn your friends of the so called inconveniences of having a child once they are already pregnant.
B)Giving birth to and caring for another human being is so not the same thing as adopting an animal.
This "apology" doesn't seem at all sincere.

nonmember avatar Beth

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to "inform" expectant parents about the horrors of having a child. Like they are doing some sort of public service. I detest the phrases "Get your sleep now", "Just you wait until...", or "Say good-bye to your social life." Having a child is a life-altering event that naturally comes with anxiety and uncertainty, so new parents don't need added stress from so-called friends. It's sad that it took getting a dog to realize how bad your behavior was.

nonmember avatar Erin

Well said. Soooo truly excited for you. So is J! :)

nonmember avatar Celeste

You changed your mind bc of a dog? "You've got to be kidding me" was my first reaction, but then I thought again and it makes sense. With common hospital procedures, interventions, and separation at birth, etc, no wonder a lot of moms don't bond to their babies and seem to have a closer bond to a pet. In studies that gave epidurals and/or nitrous oxide to goats in labor, they rejected their young instead of bonding. Natural birth is a gift, not torture. It's perfect, not dangerous. We all need to wrap our heads around that!

nonmember avatar Meg

I just recently became pregnant for the first time. A good 5-15 years after pretty much everyone I know already had kids. I have been getting a lot of opinions and a lot of horror stories. When I told my own best friend, the first thing she told me was it wasn't a "real" pregnancy until 12 weeks in. Yeah, thanks. Just what I needed to hear.

Honestly I am getting the impression the only people that are happy I am expecting are my parents, my mother in law and my husband.

linzemae linzemae

Aw meg. Im happy for you! Im glad we waited 5 years afterwe got married. If we would have done it immediately after we wouldn't be as settled.


I never wanted kids(but happy to be the cool "aunt") so I would never tell anyone what a pain your life is going to be (because clearly I don't know) . I was always thrilled to bits when my friends told me their good news! But right now I'm just shaking my head that you seem to equate getting a dog to having a baby and expecting people to congratulate you for it. You come off as very self centered, and I'd be interested to know if any of those women who you took the wind out of their sails still call you a friend.

nonmember avatar Meg

Thank you linzemae :) My husband and I have been married almost 10 years ourselves. Been trying to have a baby for 3 years. I am glad we waited a while too. The only disadvantage is it seems like most people around me are "over" babies and kinda bitter about parenthood. I am getting tired of talking to other parents because all I hear is bad news.
On a high note my parents are over the moon, they have been wanting to be grandparents forever and their excitement is infectious.

nonmember avatar Dana

Such harshness. It's called symbolism. It's writing 101. Jeez, and A Happy New Year to you!

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