Maternity Clothing Is the Reason I Don't Get Pregnant More Often

I held out as long as I could, but this week I had to do it. I had to buy what I dread spending money on -- awful, terrible maternity clothing.

This is my second pregnancy. In my experience, morning sickness fades after the 12th week and, though annoying and painful, at the very least, the Breast Gods have the decency to give you nice boobs to compensate for the constant tenderness you experience above the waist. But there are few good things to be said about maternity clothing.

First of all, it's expensive for what it is -- which is, at the end of the day, clothing you'll wear for only about six months. Sure, we've come a long way since the 1950s, when any photo will tell you moms-to-be had the option of wearing either a muumuu or their husband's clothing, but in my opinion, we haven't come far enough. 

Friends tell me I'm nuts. Maternity clothing is super comfy, they say. But I'd trade all the comfort in the world if I never had to see any of the following items again:

Sash tie shirts and dresses -- As precious as I find pregnant women, I hate feeling like a gift-wrapped package. Why must 70 percent of shirts and dresses feature sashes and bows?

Ruffly tunics -- I refuse to spend money on what amounts to an oversized shirt, and I haven't worn ruffles since I was 10. Why start now? 

Florals and pink-everything -- Because I don't look feminine enough with a baby bump and, for the first time in my life, actual breasts? 

Glittery sweaters -- Oh, you didn't know the holidays are right around the corner? Hold on, let me remove my coat so I can blind you with Christmas cheer. 

"Funny" T-shirts that draw attention to my bump -- Everyone gets it, I'm pregnant. Can I dress like an adult woman now?

"Work pants" that are basically made out of papier mâché -- Why is it you can spend the same amount of money on non-maternity slacks and not feel like your tush is naked when you sit on a cold subway seat?

Check out the slideshow for examples of maternity clothing items that are either awful or maddeningly boring. 

 

Image via eBay

1st trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester, maternity clothes, slideshow start slideshow

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nonmember avatar J

Something is very wrong if maternity clothes are keeping you from having more kids.

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

Minus the harem pants and the minnie diaper bag those outfits look great. They make awesome maternity clothes these days, in my opinion..

japan... japanmommy

I found a lot of maternity clothes that looked just like my normal clothes. I wore a lot of rouched t-shirts and maternity jeans

Sarah... SarahHall58

Not really sure where you're looking at maternity clothes. I haven't really seen any of those things you're talking about. I don't like the stretchy belly but gotta wear it.

linzemae linzemae

Old navy has adorable maternity clothes

merma... mermaid13dragon

They make some adorable and fashionable maternity clothes right now. Get over your negative attitude. There's lots of nice stuff right now, you don't have to wear grandma's curtains! 


Check out Japanese weekend or something..

PRIMA487 PRIMA487

Where the hell are you shopping? There's lots of attractive maternity wear out there.Some that you may even want to keep afterwards.

alika... alikay1986

I vote you "most obnoxious writer" for The Stir, and that is saying A LOT!

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

I loved my maternity clothes and miss them terribly. My little one is ten months and I still wear several of my maternity shirts because they're just regular shaped shirts that have a lot of stretch so they sit nicely when I'm nursing whereas regular shirts tend to creep up and expose the top half of my boob.



I got three pairs of pants, two jeans and one a bit dressy, and several solid tshirts which were mostly from Target. They weren't expensive at all, the pants were all on clearance (the dressy ones were only $4.97) and the shirts were about $10 each.

lipst... lipstickclouds

I don't think lack of options in any kind of clothing is really an issue now. I have much sympathy for what the expecting foremothers of previous eras had to work with, especially back in the days where women couldn't even wear pants.

But, I have 4 kids, and have had a lot of maternity clothes, and didn't have any of the things you mentioned. All my kids were born between 2001 and 2008, so things surely have had time to improve even since my youngest was born...and they have, especially with the accessibility of custom items available online now. But even shopping in the mass marketed Motherhood Maternity Outlet store in 2000, I was able, as a fashion conscious 23 year old at the time, able to find some cute v neck tees and khakis to wear at work, and some not totally stupid jeans, both capri and regular length...ya know, normal boring clothes. And being pregnant after the 1st, 2nd and 3rd kids had joined the party actually gave me a reason to buy some fashions a little more trendy than my usual mom clothes. And yeah, by the forth pregnancy, I was 30 and actually thought the "Angel on board" shirt I got in a maternity clothes lot off craigslist ( 10 gigantic shirts for 10 bucks! hello!) was pretty sweet. My point...sometimes being a mom changes your priorities and the way you look at the world. Maybe you become less superficial and petty. There's a small ray of hope, even for you, yet.

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