I held out as long as I could, but this week I had to do it. I had to buy what I dread spending money on -- awful, terrible maternity clothing.
This is my second pregnancy. In my experience, morning sickness fades after the 12th week and, though annoying and painful, at the very least, the Breast Gods have the decency to give you nice boobs to compensate for the constant tenderness you experience above the waist. But there are few good things to be said about maternity clothing.
First of all, it's expensive for what it is -- which is, at the end of the day, clothing you'll wear for only about six months. Sure, we've come a long way since the 1950s, when any photo will tell you moms-to-be had the option of wearing either a muumuu or their husband's clothing, but in my opinion, we haven't come far enough.
Friends tell me I'm nuts. Maternity clothing is super comfy, they say. But I'd trade all the comfort in the world if I never had to see any of the following items again:
Sash tie shirts and dresses -- As precious as I find pregnant women, I hate feeling like a gift-wrapped package. Why must 70 percent of shirts and dresses feature sashes and bows?
Ruffly tunics -- I refuse to spend money on what amounts to an oversized shirt, and I haven't worn ruffles since I was 10. Why start now?
Florals and pink-everything -- Because I don't look feminine enough with a baby bump and, for the first time in my life, actual breasts?
Glittery sweaters -- Oh, you didn't know the holidays are right around the corner? Hold on, let me remove my coat so I can blind you with Christmas cheer.
"Funny" T-shirts that draw attention to my bump -- Everyone gets it, I'm pregnant. Can I dress like an adult woman now?
"Work pants" that are basically made out of papier mâché -- Why is it you can spend the same amount of money on non-maternity slacks and not feel like your tush is naked when you sit on a cold subway seat?
Check out the slideshow for examples of maternity clothing items that are either awful or maddeningly boring.
Image via eBay
There's nothing specifically wrong with this style, it's just that it seems to make up 70 percent of all maternity tops. Boooring.