8 Childbirth Trends for Adventurous Types

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  • Dolphin-Assisted Birth


    Image via Ross Hawkes/Flickr

    Hey, I like Flipper just as much as the next gal. But giving birth in a pool filled with dolphins in the hopes of having a more "tranquil" experience? (Bet it's not so tranquil for the dolphins.)

  • Lotus Birth


    Image via wasoxygen/Flickr

    I guess the idea of keeping your baby's placenta attached until the umbilical cord falls off naturally because the baby can still benefit from the nutrients sort of makes sense, but ... really?? Caring for a newborn is hard enough without having to juggle a dangling placenta at the same time.

  • Orgasmic Birth


    Image via valentina volavia/Flickr

    Yeah, you know what? I've never met a woman who had anything close to an "orgasmic" birth (I CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE ONE), but if I ever do? I bet she'll be riding a unicorn and flinging magic effing dust all over the place.

  • Glamour Birth


    Image via Steven Depolo/Flickr

    I understand the "looking good, feeling good" connection, but getting a makeover before delivery so you look pretty while you're in labor? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! "Labor" and "pretty" don't belong in the same sentence.

  • C-Sections


    Image via Tammra McCauley/Flickr

    NO, I'm not talking about medically necessary c-sections!!! I'm talking about "designer" c-sections -- when (usually celebrity, apparently) women choose to skip the last month of pregnancy so they don't gain as much weight. The most insane trend of all?

  • Sexy Birth


    Image via Jean KOULEV/Flickr

    Sort of like orgasmic birth, but even more outrageously unrealistic in my book, is sex during (or immediately following) labor. *Shudders violently* I just ... I can't ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

  • Freebirth


    Image via Omer Ziv/Flickr

    Hey, isn't that a Lynrd Skynrd song? Nope, it's having your baby at home (or wherever) WITHOUT the assistance of a midwife, doctor, doula or any other trained medical professional. I'm assuming moms who go for this one never read the "10 million things that might go wrong during your labor" chapter of "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

  • Placenta Recycling


    Image via moppet65535/Flickr

    Ah, the magical, mystical placenta. So useful! You can put it in a smoothie, you can swallow it in pills, you can put googly eyes on it, you can plant it under a tree ... and, as we mentioned earlier, you can leave it attached to your baby for days!

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