8 Childbirth Trends for Adventurous Types

8 Childbirth Trends for Adventurous Types

water birth

Considering human beings have been giving birth since ... well, since human beings have been human beings, you'd think the ancient process would be sort of immune to trends. Popping out babies ain't exactly a walk down the runway, know what I'm saying? (And having popped out a couple myself, I feel qualified to say so.) But nope -- childbirthing methods are just as fickle as fashion, in a lot of ways. Think about it: In my grandmother's day, "twilight sleep" was all the rage; by the time I was born, it was all about "natural" birth. Now? There are more ways to have babies than ever, and they just keep on getting wilder. I mean, I consider myself to be fairly open-minded, but I'm nowhere near adventurous enough to try any of these latest fads!

More from The Stir: Childbirth Isn't as Scary as You Think

Not that I'm judging, of course. (Whatever floats your bump?) Read on to find out about 8 of the craziest new trends in baby-having!

Would you try any of these adventurous ways to give birth?


Image via Lindsey Turner/Flickr

  • Dolphin-Assisted Birth

    1

    Image via Ross Hawkes/Flickr

    Hey, I like Flipper just as much as the next gal. But giving birth in a pool filled with dolphins in the hopes of having a more "tranquil" experience? (Bet it's not so tranquil for the dolphins.)

  • Lotus Birth

    2

    Image via wasoxygen/Flickr

    I guess the idea of keeping your baby's placenta attached until the umbilical cord falls off naturally because the baby can still benefit from the nutrients sort of makes sense, but ... really?? Caring for a newborn is hard enough without having to juggle a dangling placenta at the same time.

  • Orgasmic Birth

    3

    Image via valentina volavia/Flickr

    Yeah, you know what? I've never met a woman who had anything close to an "orgasmic" birth (I CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE ONE), but if I ever do? I bet she'll be riding a unicorn and flinging magic effing dust all over the place.

  • Glamour Birth

    4

    Image via Steven Depolo/Flickr

    I understand the "looking good, feeling good" connection, but getting a makeover before delivery so you look pretty while you're in labor? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! "Labor" and "pretty" don't belong in the same sentence.

  • C-Sections

    5

    Image via Tammra McCauley/Flickr

    NO, I'm not talking about medically necessary c-sections!!! I'm talking about "designer" c-sections -- when (usually celebrity, apparently) women choose to skip the last month of pregnancy so they don't gain as much weight. The most insane trend of all?

  • Sexy Birth

    6

    Image via Jean KOULEV/Flickr

    Sort of like orgasmic birth, but even more outrageously unrealistic in my book, is sex during (or immediately following) labor. *Shudders violently* I just ... I can't ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

  • Freebirth

    7

    Image via Omer Ziv/Flickr

    Hey, isn't that a Lynrd Skynrd song? Nope, it's having your baby at home (or wherever) WITHOUT the assistance of a midwife, doctor, doula or any other trained medical professional. I'm assuming moms who go for this one never read the "10 million things that might go wrong during your labor" chapter of "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

  • Placenta Recycling

    8

    Image via moppet65535/Flickr

    Ah, the magical, mystical placenta. So useful! You can put it in a smoothie, you can swallow it in pills, you can put googly eyes on it, you can plant it under a tree ... and, as we mentioned earlier, you can leave it attached to your baby for days!

c-sections delivery labor labor & delivery

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