7 Things Dads Don't Get a Say in During Pregnancy

pregnantWhen it comes to pregnancy, it obviously takes two to get there. Once you're there, however, there's only one person carrying the baby, and one person who's going to deliver the baby -- mom. With that privilege/monumental task comes the right to make most of the major decisions regarding the pregnancy. Sorry, guys.

Sure, dads should be involved, and their input is welcome ... to an extent. But, when it comes down to actually making some of the big decisions, if there's a disagreement, then mom's wishes should almost always trump dad's. Here are seven things dads shouldn't get the final say on when it comes to pregnancy.

1. What she eats

Until you've experienced cravings so intense they make you feel insane, you have no right to judge our need for tortilla chips dipped in hot fudge.

2. What she wears

Maternity wear is tricky. The only answer to how she looks in anything the whole time she's pregnant is "beautiful!"

3. The doctor she chooses

It would be great if you both had chemistry with the doctor, but ultimately it's got to be about who the woman feels the most comfortable with and who she trusts the most.

4. The baby's name

Dads definitely should get some say here, but if it comes down to a stalemate, then pushing a baby out of a vagina is the trump card (if we're speaking in mixed metaphors).

5. Bottle or breast

Again, dad's input is welcome, but when it comes down to it, they're a woman's breasts, and it's her right to decide what to do (or not to do) with them.

6. Who is in the delivery room

It's sweet if he wants his mother, sister, and great aunt Gertrude there to witness the miracle of his child's arrival, but it's mom who's doing the work, so she should get to hand out the final tickets of admittance.

7. The type of delivery

Epidural or no epidural; home birth or traditional hospital birth; hynobirthing or water birth -- all should be mom's final decision to make. Each woman has to plan for the birth that she feels is best for her and her baby ... and then hope all goes according to that plan.

What things do you think dads should and shouldn't get a say in when it comes to pregnancy?

 

Image via Tatiana tdb/Flickr

baby prep, delivery, fathers

74 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Florence Blantz

If I hear another dad-to-be say "we're pregnant" I'm going to throw up. "We're" having a baby but "I'm" pregnant.

nonmember avatar blue

Concern, is different then judgement. If a lady is only eating complete crap, then YES the dad has a right to speak out of concern. This is his child, also. He has every right to be concerned about his child's health, as well as the mother's health. The dad should get an EQUAL say, in name. Carrying a baby, does not mean a woman owns the rights to him/her/them. They BOTH will call the child their name, for their entire life. The woman should not get more say!! (Unless the father won't really be involved.)

morga... morgani6904

Lol @ number 4. Totally did that. We had a nice name picked out for our son, but couldn't agree on what to call him. I did all the work so I told my husband that he had to go with what I wanted to call our son. Almost 5 years later and I'm glad I got to decide.

jalaz77 jalaz77

I disagree with a few of these. You wouldn't have a baby to name if it wasn't for the father so he should have a say on the babies name as well, it should be an agreement. How the baby's birth is another one. Yes you may be delivering the baby but if he is not comfortable with the a homebirth then you better think of a different plan, a birthing center or a hospital, but he needs to know your wishes BEFORE, if you want an epidural or not, that is 100% up to the mom not him! Who is in the delivery home is also 100% up to the mom. You are pretty much naked having a baby and the last person I want the room looking at me is my mother-in-law or my mother-in-law's boyfriend and my husband was completely on board. I disagree with what you eat, the husband does have somewhat of a say because what you put in your body is going to affect that baby.

Caera Caera

I disagree with ALL of these.


The woman may be carrying that baby, but that's just the way biology set it up. That baby wouldn't exist at all without the man.


The father deserves as much of a say as he wants in all of these matters, but ESPECIALLY the baby's name - stalemates SHOULD NOT go to the mother. Bottle Vs. Breast needs to be a joint decision, who's in the delivery room is the dad's decision as well. If he hates your sister, then your sister doesn't get to be there. The Doctor decision should be a joint one.


God, when did women become such whiny, self-righteous entitlelists? You want your husband and child's father to be involved, INVOLVE HIM.


 

kelly... kelly24019

Caera, you are the only one whining. The writers are allowed to express their opinions...

aeneva aeneva

I disagree with the last half of the list 4-7 my husband totally had a say in.  My DH and mother do not get along and as much as I wanted her in the delivery room I knew it would not be good so she wasn't.  If he could come up with valid reasons behind is views then I would consider them.  We are a team.  Maybe that is the difference and why most relationships end in divorce.  No one works as a team anymore it's all about who is right or wrong or gets their way.

JessL... JessLogansMommy

If dad has very strong feelings or valid reasons then he has every right to question or insist on certain things.  It is his baby too! Just because he doesn't have to carry the baby doesn't mean that he's just sitting on the sidelines.  Most dads are there, at the OB appts, helping with the housework, doing the heavy lifting and running to the store for those late night cravings. So if you have gestation diabetes and go to put another donut in your mouth, or if your doctor does something that makes him uncomfortable then he absolutely has the right to speak up. 

Coles... Coles_mom

I agree with most of these. The name one may be my only concern...although you do say if there's a stalemate.

nonmember avatar Jenna

I believe men should be more involved and have some say if they're in the mother's life. But if it's a woman who's going to end up raising her child alone or almost completely on her own, she has the ultimate say in everything. But for the rest of them, it's really up to the woman. If she doesn't want certain people to see her naked int he delivery room, that's HER choice, not the fathers. If she wants to bottle feed, that's HER choice. If she wants to give birth at home, CAERA, that's HER choice. Men don't get a say in how a woman delivers. I'm sorry, but he's NOT the one giving birth so he has NO right to say anything or decide.

1-10 of 74 comments 12345 Last
F