4 Ways to Use Your Baby Bump to Your Advantage

Say What!? 15

baby bumpLeave it to Kim Kardashian to show the rest of us how to wring every little opportunity out of a pregnancy. Today's lesson, ladies, is how to use your baby bump to get a little sympathy from a judge. She recently petitioned the judge handling her divorce from Kris Humphries to hustle it along quickly -- for the sake of the baby, of course.

I am requesting the status of my marriage be determined now for not only my health and welfare but also for the health and well-being of my unborn child. I firmly believe that an immediate dissolution of our marriage will help create a new, full life for me.

It's for the kids, judge! Meanwhile, Kim K. has been running around town, flaunting her baby bump in her typical clingy-dress fashion. And a naughty rumor has surfaced: Kim might be padding that baby bump for extra sympathy! Scandalous -- and probably untrue. But it should make expecting mamas think a little: Are there ways to game that baby bump to your advantage?

Note well, gaming the baby bump takes a lot of confidence. You'll need to be comfortable showing off your bod in tight clothing. And you'll have to be okay with waving that belly in front of people's faces strategically. It's been a while since I last sported le bump bebe (sorry, trying so hard to find new ways to put that), but to my recollection, here's how it might be deployed.

Get a seat: Enter the room or bus. Stand near some older men (never teenage boys, totally useless). Rest your hand on your belly and sigh audibly. Rock back and forth on your heels if that doesn't work. Still nothing? Start rubbing your ankles and moaning.

Get ahead in the buffet line: Approach table. Place hands on your belly. Say, "Oh look, broccoli, that's loaded with folic acid!" You want people to think you're health-conscious, so they'll want to reward you. Smile graciously as people immediately step aside to let you serve yourself first.

Skip to the front of airport security: Approach security guard. Place hands on your belly. Say, "Oh my god, oh my god, no, not now, I can't have this baby now!" Then smile reassuringly to security guard and say, "Phew, false alarm." Demur two or three times before accepting an escort to the front of the line.

Get helped in the shoe department, pronto: Approach shoes. Place hands on your belly. Announce that your feet have grown a size larger and you need all new shoes! People who work on commission will pick that up. (Try not to actually buy all the shoes, though.)

Whether or not you "enhance" your baby bump is entirely up to you. I'm definitely not endorsing that! I'm also not NOT endorsing it either. And by the way, just because sometimes it's a little hard to tell, yes of course I'm joking about all of this!

Be honest, have you ever used your baby bump to get a little sympathy?

 

Image via ErinNicoleKling/Flickr

celeb moms, pregnant celebrities, the pregnant life, kardashians

15 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

sand008 sand008

Those aren't advantages. That a whiny annoying preggo.

mande... manderspanders

I'm 18 weeks along, and because of my build, I don't look pregnant and don't need to wear maternity clothing at this point.  About the only pregnancy sign that someone who didn't know me would see is that distinctive pregnant waddle...but only because of the round ligament pain that is extending into my groin...


Otherwise, I feel pretty lucky... except for my husband, no one treats me like I'm disabled or unable to help myself; and that's how I prefer it to be.  I don't need special treatment because I'm pregnant...  I'm baking a baby! I'm not helpless!


So, perhaps the things listed here might be more relevant to a woman who is much farther along and having more difficulty getting around.  Kim K isn't any farther along than me...so why should her bump get her any more perks than anyone else?

laris... larissalarie

The airport suggestion is beyond idiotic. If you feigned labor you wouldn't be getting to fly that day.

gridi... gridironsmom

^^ just what I was going to say Larissa.

Reen1 Reen1

Skipping to the front of a long restroom line.. in emergency situations only, of course. LOL

Erica Frisby

Also, you cannot fly when you are in your 3rd trimester.

Elizabeth Eversole Raudebaugh

This article is rediculous! You need to be a STRONG lady to be making a little miracle, and this article makes one sound like a whining, manipulative wimp. And I despise women who would use these tactics. I am an RN and while I was pregnant with my first son, I work 36-40 hours a week on a busy medical surgical floor, always on my feet and waddling to and from rooms. This article is just silly, (nicest thing to say) in my opinion.

Histo... HistoryMamaX3

Erica- you can fly... women do it all the time. Most airlines require a dr's note, but it is only a suggestion for pregnant women in their third term not to fly. A good suggestion- but pretty often ignored. Every so often you see a story about a baby being born on a flight!

Laura Gadbois

Dont be a whiny ,annoying soon to be mama..Be a strong, confident awesome one! You arent the first or last lady to be pregnant, and honestly, those tactics annoy most people.


 

1-10 of 15 comments 12 Last
F