The miscarriage Beyonce suffered before she gave birth to her daughter Blue Ivy became public knowledge when Jay-Z rapped about the couple's heartbreak in "Glory." ("Last time, the miscarriage was so tragic. We was afraid you would disappear. But nah, baby, you magic.") Until now, however, she's never given any details about the loss they went through.
Beyonce's always been notoriously close-mouthed about her personal life, but in her HBO documentary Life Is But a Dream, she was surprisingly forthcoming about the total shock and devastation of losing the pregnancy. Sadly, her story is one that's surely achingly familiar to many women.
In the documentary, which debuts on HBO in February, Beyonce talks about the joy she felt when she found out she was expecting:
About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time. And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life. I picked out names. I envisioned what my child would look like ... I was feeling very maternal.
Unbeknownst to her, something went terribly wrong with the pregnancy, and she found out the bad news at her next appointment:
I flew back to New York to get my check up -- and no heartbeat. Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat. (...) I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life ... And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.
I can't truly imagine what this feels like because I haven't had the misfortune of experiencing a miscarriage, but I know it happens like this for lots of women: everything seems perfectly fine ... until a normal prenatal checkup suddenly turns into a nightmare.
It's a horrible thing to go through, and I'm sure it was very difficult for Beyonce to talk about it, especially when you consider how incredibly private she normally is. The good news for Beyonce, as we all know, is that she got her happy ending with her daughter Blue Ivy -- although it was understandably hard to delay the pregnancy announcement until she was ready:
Being pregnant was very much like falling love. You are so open. You are so overjoyed. There’s no words that can express having a baby growing inside of you, so of course you want to scream it out and tell everyone.
Beyonce's always struck me as such a carefully-curated star this moment of honesty and candor makes me like her more. Not that she owed it to anyone to talk about this, of course, but it's so humanizing -- and perhaps going public about such a painful experience will help others in similar situations.
Are you surprised Beyonce opened up about her miscarriage? Are you planning to see her documentary, Life Is But a Dream?
Image via I Am Beyonce