I think the strangest accessory I sported during my pregnancies was a hair elastic looped around my jeans buttonhole to let my pants gap out and accommodate that awkward definitely-bigger-but-not-yet-ready-for-maternity-clothes stage. A sneakily-placed ponytail holder is nothing compared to the oddball things you see on pregnant women these days, though, thanks to the ever-growing market for maternity gadgets and accessories.

There are all sorts of doohickeys and garments available now, and while some of them sound pretty useful (like these "Pocket Dots" that keep belly bands in place), some are just ... inexplicable.

Here's a just-for-fun roundup of some of the weirdest, most uncomfortable-sounding, tinfoil-hat-worthy maternity accessories I've come across.

 

 


Nuvo Group
With this belt composed of four belly-firing speakers, a built-in iPod pocket, 3.5mm jack, and volume-regulating abilities, your fetus can enjoy the soothing sounds of John Mayer all day long, because your body is, like, totally a wonderland right now. Don't forget, pumping in prenatal music is PROVEN to result in "advanced intelligence, coordination, and learning abilities," so basically if you don't do this, you're an asshole.

 

Amazon

However, I certainly hope you weren't thinking of using that wireless iPod without your anti-radiation Mommy Belt.



Baby Is a Star
Hmmm. You know, I'm just not buying the claim that something that simultaneously drags your bra down and your pants up is "completely comfortable to wear."




Firm Int'l
Pregnancy is no time for just letting it all hang out, young lady. You rein in that fertile flesh and you do it now before your husband realizes what a slovenly heifer you've become.




2ols.com
Uh ... wow. Maybe this could be paired with those maternity suspenders for the ultimate wedgie experience?


Would you try any of these maternity accessories? (Or have you already tried them?)